Sena's DW :: Purple Ponies

Currently having another random bout of "I miss my cat and want him back.", so I'm sitting around looking at pics of Tri and sobbing because the whole situation was my fucking fault and if I hadn't been so goddamn stupid then he [probably] wouldn't be dead.

Cuddling with my other cats doesn't help, and neither does sharing a room with Jessie right now because none of them are the cat that I want. It's not the same.

/actively hates herself right now, even more than usual.

Real post... at some point tomorrow, maybe. Assuming I can get up the energy to type it out. To be honest, right now I'm having trouble working up the ambition to do anything. My life sucks even more than normal right now and I'm starting to think it's not even worth trying anymore.

/goes to cry herself to sleep.

A semi-decent update for those of you on my flist that are wondering how I'm doing aside from ZOMG eel creatures and OMG lampwork heart pendants.

Mom's surgery is coming up on the 25th, and it really kind of snuck up on me. The whole family is really stressed and worried right now, and Mom is making herself sick with being afraid that when they go in to do the hysterectomy they'll find something more than the tests have shown so far. I know we should all be trying to keep an optimistic outlook, but it's proving to be hard, especially since Grandpa just died of cancer three years ago. The whole thing is keeping me up at night a lot, and I won't feel any better about it until after the operation when the surgeon comes and tells us everything is fine.

I moved a couple weeks ago as well; to a little apartment downtown. It's not much (I'll post pictures once it's more organized), and pretty small, but it's mine, and I love that about it. Besides which, for one person (and cats/rabbits), it's a fine size. The only problem is that I have too much stuff. >>; It's been a nightmare trying to figure out how to fit everything in, and that's even after two vanloads of stuff having been taken to the goodwill.

When I first was moving in, the place was a mess. The kitchen still needs to have a really good cleaning with bleach, but other than that it's tidy enough I can put up with it until everything's unpacked and settled. The bathroom was DISGUSTING. I should have taken some photos to show you the before and after. Grandma actually came down on the day I moved, and rather than helping with the move itself, just locked herself up in the bathroom and scrubbed the shit out of it for HOURS. It's still terribly stained, but not actually dirty anymore. I don't think the previous tenants cleaned the bathroom once in the entire time they lived here. -__-;; Ugh.

Right as I'm typing this, the girly bunnies are in the kitchen having playtime. Unfortunately, until I got the kitchen organized enough that they couldn't get into things they shouldn't, they couldn't have time out to exercise-- it's been about three weeks since they were last out of their cage. I feel guilty, but there wasn't much I could do, since the kitchen is the only place here I can let them out at all. Now I can though, so we can get back into the regular routine of daily romps.

In November, I've got a table to sell things at the Christmas bazaar in Bracebridge. So I'm selling some jewelry there, as well as some jams and jellies. Grandma brought me six freaking baskets of crab apples when she came down, so I'll have TONS of crab apple jelly. (If anyone wants some, let me know and I'll set aside a jar of it for you.) It'll be the first time I've actually sold something I've cooked/baked so I'm really kind of nervous about it. Hopefully it'll go well.

Also, some time in the next couple days I'll be posting a massive sales post; due to space issues and the fact that I'm in desperate need of money, I've decided to sell off most of my extensive Sailormoon collection. I have a few really rare items, so fingers crossed. Also, if you know anyone who might like to commission a pony or something from me, please point them in my direction.



...because of everything that's been going on, I haven't been online much. Most of my time has been designated to doctor's visits and the move/unpacking. Honestly, I'm starting to get really weary of it, and I'm feeling... downtrodden. Just sad and gloomy. I miss being on AIM and talking to people, and blogging about nothing. But until the end of the month I just won't have the time.

EDIT: Maddie needs monies too, so go check out her etsy shop:



EDIT #2: I'm watching The Evil Dead II right now while I'm organizing things, and the girl's head just bit the guy on the hand, and he's flailing and screaming and smashing said severed head against walls and books and desks and whatnot, and I am LAUGHING MY ASS OFF. XDD;;;

It starts here, at about nine minutes in:



...and continues on here. xD;;

Yeah I fail at like... everything online lately. I've been having a lot of trouble irl with various things, which I may or may not get into in this entry. Anyway, list format today for the sake of my sanity because I have a fuckton of stuff to talk about since it's been so long since I last wrote anything. xD;

1) ANIME NORTH. Okay, basically I spent the whole weekend at my table trying to sell jewelry and pony commissions (since I wasn't allowed to actually sell the ponies there). I sold a bit, and got two commissions (Van from Escaflowne and Reno from FFVII. XD), but the way Artist Alley and Crafter's Corner was organized this year was RETARDED, and the Corner was way the hell out of the way so we got practically no traffic. SO ANNOYING. Anyway, all that work and spending that much time at the table, and I basically broke even for the cost of the con registration, the table, and the parts that went into the jewelry. So much for making money for Otakon. -__-;

Anyway, that aside, I got to see Mel and Zexy again. :3 I went to a D-Gray photoshoot with Mel on Friday, and to the Moonlight Ball with her and Bonnie on Saturday night for a while. I didn't get to see Zexy as much, but she stopped by my table twice to say hi and give her her present~ ♥

On Friday I wore my Org13 Demyx outfit. It was INSANELY HOT. DAMN PLEATHER. And I forgot my gloves at home, so I just wore my shark/dolphin rings instead. *shrug* I also didn't have my boots because the morons I ordered them from backed out at the last minute. This was remedied Saturday morning, though, when I found awesome bootcovers in the Dealer's Room. Then Saturday during the day I wore my casual!Demyx outfit. Did I mention I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new wig? It's so awesome there are no words to describe it. And it fits perfectly, and stays in place all day, it doesn't even budge. >w<~ Anyhow! Then Saturday night for the Moonlight Ball I wore my Haine cosplay. Sunday was Org13 Demyx again for a while, then last-minute casual!Lavi that pretty much all came from my closet lol.

I didn't buy a whole ton of stuff like I do most years because I was trying to save monies for Otakon, but I did get four boxes of pocky, a Riku plushie (I always get myself a plushie at AN), and about 30 buttons. XD; A bunch of KH ones, some FFVII ones and some Ouran ones. Also, one booth had kitty buttons and the proceeds from them went to a cat rescue, so I got myself one of those. Then I got three more the next day to send to people. XD; Oh, and I got some henna done on my arm. It's faded out now, but I took pics of it~

( Various photos from AN. Haine cosplay photos when I get around to getting some from Mel or raiding my Mom's camera. >>; )

2) ON THE WAY HOME FROM ANIME NORTH. Two things happened; first, I was looking out the window of the van and actually saw a songbird attack a hawk in midflight. It was spectacular and I couldn't believe it. I've seen that kind of thing on Animal Planet, but I never thought I'd see it IRL. WOW.

Second... I broke a knuckle in my right hand. >__>;; I caught it in a booth when we stopped for food. It was all bruised for a while and hurt like a bitch, but I didn't bother going to the hospital. *shrug* Which was fine until a couple days ago when I smashed it off a doorknob and re-cracked it. xD; *FAIL OMFG*

3) OTAKON. Well... I didn't make any money toward Otakon at AN like I'd wanted, but I still managed to finagle out a way to pay for it. GO ME. Basically, I'm not paying my parents rent for next month, and then paying double in August. I'm also borrowing $300 from my Grandma, which I'm paying back in September. Ugh more debt but fuck it, I'M GOING. XD; So I've already paid for my registration and my plane tickets (NO 26 HOUR BUS RIDE FOR ME THIS YEAR), which completely maxed out my credit card two weeks ago, but you know... whatever. >>; It'll get paid off at the end of the month.

Maddie love, let me know when you have a tentative total for the stuff we're doing in Dayton and gas monies and everything. ♥

Cosplay for Otakon! Org13 Demyx and Haine for sure. Also, I think I'm going to do Riku cosplay from BOYS, just for kicks and to see how many people get it. I could trim up my Suigintou wig a bit and it'd work for Riku totally fine. I NEED SOME HEMP BRACELETS AND STUFF. I SHOULD GET SOME HEMP AND JUST MAKE THEM MYSELF IT WOULD BE CHEAPER. I also need some gray arm warmers to go as fake long sleeves under the t-shirt so that I don't have to wear layers lol. Also, yakuza!Kadaj, complete with pinstripe shirt and fedora. >D

I'm also bringing about six other wigs in case myself or anyone wants to do impromptu cosplay of anything. My Kyo wig for sure, and my blonde pigtail one, and probably my blue one and maybe my red one, though I got that one for Axel cosplay (next year maybe), and I don't want it to get messed up between now and when I have a chance to style it... hmm. Must think on this more.

4) B-GRADE MOVIES. After AN, we stopped at Dad and Lois' place to say hi and see teh doggies, and I borrowed 24 b-grade movies from him. XD TWENTY-FOUR. AWESOME. Some of the best ones were The Burrowers, Alien Raiders and Decoys (the second one is bad though.) I also borrowed Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, which I LOVED. ♥

5) SORA AND RIKU. Last week I had to take my rats to the vet. Riku was diagnosed with pneumonia, and the vet gave me antibiotics for him... but unfortunately, he died the next day. It's sad, but he was in a really bad way, so I'm kind of glad he didn't suffer for long. Sora doesn't seem to know what to do without him, though. Also, I had to treat Sora for mites today. That's no big deal, though.

6) JEWELRY. IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED IN BUYING SOME JEWELRY, LOOK HERE. 90% OF IT IS STILL AVAILABLE.

7) FEET. Last Friday, my feet and ankles swelled up to twice their normal size. As in, I had no discernable ankle, and could barely walk because of it. =_=;; And they stayed that way until TUESDAY NIGHT. WTF? I have no idea why, but it was a pain and a little disturbing on top of that. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday though, and the doctor wants me to go for bloodwork, since it's possible my meds are the cause of the swelling. Yep.

8) DOCTORS IN TORONTO. A while back, I mentioned about going in for gastric bypass surgery. Last month I went to the initial consultation in Toronto, and then earlier this month I went for the appointment with the social worker and dietician. I still have to go to a gastric bypass class, and see an internist before going back to the surgeon again, at which point my surgery will actually be scheduled.

Things are actually coming along rather well. The only big problem right now is that my Grandma is really against it. She doesn't think I should do it. But then she thinks that my weight issues are my fault. It's bad enough that strangers assume I'm lazy and don't eat well, but having my own Grandma think that really hurts. She keeps giving me lectures about exercise and eating right-- I already eat right (even the dietician was impressed), and I exercise as much as I can but with my legs the way they are, it isn't always possible. I have to walk with a cane, Grandma, it's not like I can just break into an easy run. *sigh* I really need to talk to her about it, but... I know I'll just get another lecture about not trying hard enough, and end up crying for two days over it. I dunno...

9) THE YARD. Mom has decided this summer that she's sick of the back and front yard (what little we have of them, this is just a townhouse after all), and wants them to look really nice. So we've all been working on the yard for the last month, putting down sod and seeding and watering and pulling up weeds. Also, in the front yard we lined the sidewalk with quartz stones, with solar lights along the other side. Then next to the door we planted a little cedar tree, with more quarts around it. Yep.

10) ROLEPLAY. I haven't been rping as much lately, with everything IRL. I was supposed to be back from hiatus at TV like a month ago. I really need to get back there before people get sick of it and I get kicked out.

I have, however, been rping some zombie!apocalypse-verse Kingdom Hearts with Michi over email. It's hilarious and fun. Plus RikuRoku, which makes me happeh. :D And I've been rping with my bb Kiin over at losechesters, which is a comm Kiin set up for us for "Winchestertastical" roleplay. I'm Sam and she's Dean and basically it's just for the sake of crack. It's SO much fun. Which reminds me, I need to think up another post for there... >.>;

Apparently, I suck at keeping my journal updated lately. I used to be so good about it too. But I don't know... I've been really down lately, and not feeling up to doing anything. I haven't been on aim much either and I've just been rping a little with one or two people. I'm considering going on partial hiatus at TV until I get myself straightened out again.

Not much had been going on lately. I've been working on stuff to sell at AN, and fretting over whether I'll have enough money to go to Otakon this year or not. I'm really hoping I will, but with not being able to sell my ponies at the table it might not happen... but, I'm currently finnegling with my finances to see just how much I need to sell to be able to go to Baltimore (and then to VA and then to Dayton) so fingers crossed.

I am currently watching Eden Log, which is going so far over my head it might as well be a jumbo jet. XD; I'm going to have to watch it again and try to figure it out lol.

A few days ago I dislocated one of my toes. I slammed it into the stairs by accident. At least it popped back in on its own. Still hurt like a bitch though. BEHOLD I AM THE MASTER OF PERSONAL INJURY. Also, of not going to the hospital for dislocated joints because they happen all the fucking time wtf body.

RP talk, so if you don't care don't bother reading past here. More actual life-updates later on once I've thought about what I want to say.

We have a new Axel at TV, and I've gotten sucked into the AkuRoku trap. XD; I promised myself I wouldn't, not because I don't ship them together, but because it's pretty overdone at this point. Ah well. They're cute together, and Roxas is totally the man of the relationship which makes me laugh constantly. Also, tonight he got into an argument with Kanda, and the two of them spammed Axel's journal with it. lmao.

House is being his antisocial self, though he does get along rather well with Ziva (I totally ship them now, w2g TV you've ruined my in-series ships), and he's agreed to tutor Lenalee in math so long as he can call on a favor from her at some point in the future. He may get her to do something cruel to Remus, as he's still holding a grudge against him from way back when puppy!Remus chewed his cane up.

Dean is currently being crabby over the new event (school, yay?), and refuses to go, so he and Faith are going to hide out in the room with booze and porn and probably trade Hunter/Slayer stories. Faith demanded he share his porn and Dean was like "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?" I still wish I had a Sam at TV though, Dean secretly worries about him.

Aaaaand Michi and I are doing a RikuRoku rp right now that takes place in the zombie!verse from the apocalypse!KH fic I'm in the process of tinkering with. XD; I get to play snarky/bitchy!Roxas, and that makes me utterly happy because he's too nice most of the time in TV (and he was the same way at RY, except with Axel lol.) RPing in it is really helping me flesh out the zombie!verse, so to speak, so I'm happy with it. :3

Ugh, the Apo-Divalproex is really kicking my ass since Dr K upped my dosage. But then on top of that I haven't been feeling super great anyway. I'm really depressed still. >.<; Bad enough that Mom's noticed and asked me about it today. Normally no one can tell when I'm like this because I fake being fine. =_=; IDK, I've just been going downhill the last couple of months for no apparent reason.

Anyway, today my box of snacks from j-list came in. I ordered them a couple weeks ago. Wildberry pocky, different flavours of mochi candy, custard hi-chews and lotte lime-yuzu gum for Mom. The mochi candy is gone already. It was so yummy. :3 The grape was the best~! I might order some more in a couple weeks.

Oh, and my brother's PC completely died yesterday, so he spent all yesterday in a major snit. Now he's alright again, but he borrowed my PS2 to play Kingdom Hearts and FFXII, since he can't pass the time playing City of Heroes on the computer. I think he's probably planning to use his tax money to pay to have his PC fixed when it comes in.

Also, thank you Sethi and Kazzie~! I got PSP working again though, so it's all good. XD;; I was doing a poster for Esprit Studios to get printed off for my booth at AN, so with that done I'm good. I just have to actually get the posters printed. (Two so I can keep one in case the one at AN gets ripped up or whatever.)

I am ever so glad to be feeling alright again. Granted, it was just today (yesterday, wtf lack of sleep tonight), but THANK GOD. And then of course last night I didn't sleep at all, so even though I didn't feel sick, I was tired as a dog. Ugh body I hate you.

Still, I managed to get the cats in to the vet for their appointment at two, and everyone is pretty much fine so that's good. $272 later, they got their shots, and I talked with Dr. Taylor about Loki's allergies and the idea of getting his back claws removed. He scratches his face all up, to the point where his ears swell closed, and his eyes are all rimmed with scabs, and I'm worried he'll cause permanent damage. There's nothing we can really do to get rid of the allergies (since they're seasonal; he has allergy problems the same time as I do), but at least with getting his claws removed he won't be able to hurt himself anymore.

I know; I hate the idea of back-declawing him. But after two years of different medications, shots, ear drops, shampoos, soaps, etc., the vet says it's probably about the only thing we can do. I've agonized over the decision for almost a year now, but having discussed it with Dr. Taylor today I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to have it done. He's going in the beginning of next month. It's going to cost me another $170.

Last time I mentioned getting a cat declawed I got an anonymous comment about how cruel it is, so for anyone who feels the need to comment this time: THIS IS FOR MEDICAL REASONS. I WOULD NOT GET HIS BACK CLAWS REMOVED IF BOTH I AND THE VET DIDN'T THINK IT WAS NECESSARY. Thank you.

Watched Resident Evil: Degeneration, Max Payne and Red Sands today. Now I'm watching Mirrors because I can't sleep. At least I have good movies to keep me occupied.

Also, as I haven't done many real updates lately, I went to see the doctor about two weeks ago; she checked me out, switched my meds around a bit, and diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. Yay for chronic pain disorders. -__-;

...and I think I might have to take an official hiatus from RY and TV for a while. I want to keep playing, but I'm a basketcase right now for various reasons. I think I'm going into a major downswing, which I haven't had in a while... my new meds aren't strong enough, I don't think. So I might take a break for a couple weeks to kind of collect myself. Of course if I feel human again sooner than that I could come back sooner... gah, but I hate going on hiatus. It always makes me feel like I'm letting people down. ><;

The space bar on my keyboard is sticking, and I broke my computer chair the other day. >__>;

I've been really randomly depressed lately. I guess I'm always depressed, but... more so the last couple weeks.

Fake-happy, fake-happy, so people won't worry.

All the stuff with RY right now isn't helping either. I'm getting really upset over it all, even though I know I shouldn't. I've cried over it twice. I'm such an idiot.

I just realised, I'm so out of it from all the stupid moving stress that I'm developing a twitch again. =__=;; Last time that happened was when I was working at Tim Hortons. How fucking irritating.

Today Dad called to chat, and recommended a bunch of movies to me that he'd heard were good, so I downloaded a couple to give them a try. I watched Eye of the Beast (giant squid~) and Croc (maneating... well, croc. ._.) earlier, and they were really good. Now I'm watching The Cry (which I've had for two weeks and not watched yet, wtf self) and trying for the second time to download Grizzly Rage. It doesn't seem to want to unpack after I download it. What a pain. Vipers is doing the same thing, too. :P

Tomorrow is the last day before I move on Tuesday. I have to finish packing up the kitchen, and the TV/VCR/etc., then Tuesday morning I have to get the critters all ready to go, and deal with my PC. After that, I'll probably be offline for a day or two, until I can get a wireless router on Thursday or Friday.

Once all this is over, I'll be very relieved. I've almost lost it a couple times now because of all this, and I haven't stopped shaking in three weeks, I've pulled every joint in my body, and I've had a migrane non-stop all this time too. I'm exhausted, and completely emotionally drained. I hate my life.

...I've been really depressed lately. For no reason, really, just every little thing makes me cry or freak out. It really sucks. -__-; So I'm back to faking being happy so people don't worry about me. Because even if they do, or offer to let me talk to them about it, there's nothing to talk about...

I don't know. Down swings like this are frustrating because I know logically I shouldn't be so upset about everything, but I can't seem to help it.

Today people are supposed to be coming to look at the house, and I'm really not in the mood to have strangers up here looking through my stuff. Not to mention that AGAIN, they didn't give us 24 hours notice, and the last few days because of the way I've been feeling, the place has gotten a little untidy.

I might just lock my door and pretend I'm not home. :P

Went to the doctor yesterday for prescription refills, and while I was there Dr. H asked about the rash on my neck from last time I was in; it showed up in the summer and I thought it was a heat rash, but then it didn't go away.

Last time I saw her she told me it was a fungus thing that comes on in the summer (so basically a type of heat rash, thanks lol) and told me to buy some Selsun Blue shampoo and apply it before showering for a week and it would go away. But it clearly hasn't. In fact, it's gotten worse! =D;

So she had another look and said she's going to send me to a dermatologist. Yep. They should be calling sometime in the next week or so. Whatever. It's not itchy or anything so I'm not in a huge hurry about it. Plus, it'll be the same asshat I saw like ten years ago, and I'm not looking forward to it. =__=;

( Also, I talked to her about-- )

Let's see... yesterday my messenger bag for AU!Demyx cosplay came in, and so did the third Ouran CD that I bought a while back. Yey. Oh oh! And I found a Kyo!wig! I still have to pay for it but squee anyway! =3

Also, I've been working on ponies of course. It's that time of year again! ^_^; Eheh. I've decided that about half my ponies this year are going to be mini McD's ones, which are easier to make, easier to transport, and will be cheaper for people to buy. I've been calling them "mascot ponies" because of the ones I've been doing so far.

I have two Moogle ones done (and want to do at least two more in different colour schemes), and a couple of Heartless ones (which are much cuter than I thought they'd be, Imma keep one! X3), and I'm halfway through Luna, Artemis, Mokona and Madoki. They're all kind of meant to be the cute animal (or animal-ish) critters. I want to do a Chokobo and Kon from Bleach as well... anything else I should do? They're so cute and fun! X33

Pics of those + Duo!pony + Utena!pony and possibly Zexion!pony and Lavi!pony soon I swear. *is so bad at posting photos lately and made of faaaaail*