senashenta: (Pig 'N A Poke)
You know, for a while, years back, I used to actually keep a physical journal, like a book that was hand-written by me, and I absolutely loved doing it. But my HANDS...

When I was around 17 I developed tendonitis in BOTH my hands from doing so much writing and drawing, and when I talked to my Doctor about it she said the only cure for tendonitis was time. We could put my hands in braces and then I just couldn't use them for a year (or more) and when the time was up, the tendonitis would be gone. But like... how do you survive life, high school and a part-time job without the use of both your hands, right? So, I would have had to have done one hand at a time, and while the one hand was in the brace and healing, the other one would take on the full workload, which would make the tendonitis in THAT hand even worse. Then, at the end of the year, I would swap hands and... the one that was HEALED would take on the whole workload and probably develop tendonitis again. It was a never-ending cycle.

So, nothing was ever done about it and at this point the tendonitis is so bad I can barely hand-write a SENTENCE without my entire hand and wrist cramping up. :|

On top of that, in recent years I've developed arthritis in my hands (particularly the right one), and there's not much anyone can do about that. I take over-the-counter supplements (Osteo Joint Ease) that actually do help my joints A LOT but they don't get rid of the arthritis, nothing can. I guess it's just a result of age and being so rough on my hands my whole life, between one thing and another.

But YEAH between the tendonitis and the arthritis, I just... had to give up my hand-written journaling. Typing doesn't hurt my hands, is easier on them, so I do most everything on the computer now. And as much as that's okay with me, it's not the same as keeping an actual hand-written journal, you know? Plus, I had like three backup journals waiting in the wings when I had to quit, and they're just sitting there brand-new and like... beckoning to me. Maybe I'll see if I can sell them on FB Marketplace or something, I dunno. *shrug*

P.S. Using my Pig n' a Poke icon because it's TUESDAY. :D
senashenta: (...The Power To Define Your Future)
You know, I used to keep an actual, physical journal that I wrote in by hand? Yeah. I have a couple of them that are full and a couple of them that I'd picked up that are still empty. I had to stop using them when my hands got really bad... the tendonitis and arthritis mean I can't hand-write more than a couple sentences at a time anymore, and that's on a GOOD day.

I have to do my postcards in stages. One night, over the course of a couple hours, I write out all the addresses, and then I write the messages one or two a night over the next few days. It's pathetic, really, how bad my hands are now.

So I started keeping a journal on my computer, way back in 2019, and then moved to DW, but I still copy and paste all my entries here (or, MOST OF THEM, anyway) into my journal file on my laptop. Then Every couple of weeks I print off the new pages, hole punch them and put them in a huge binder. Keeping a journal is really important to me, so I found a way to do it, and typing doesn't hurt my hands like writing does.

I can still do other things, though, I'm not a complete cripple. I can paint, I can make jewelry, I can make buttons, I can work with clay (to a certain extent), I can cook and bake (though I can't peel potatoes anymore), all that kind of stuff. Really it's just the writing that gets me. *shrug*

But I remember way back when I was in high school and I first developed the tendonitis, not knowing what it was and just pushing through it anyway, which was probably the worst thing I could have possibly done. Dr. K told me later that the only way to get rid of it completely was to put my hand in a splint for AT LEAST a year, but it was in BOTH HANDS, so I would have one hand splinted and be over-using the other one, making it way worse, and then have to put IT in a splint and over-use the first hand again and probably make the tendonitis come back again anyway. So it was like... why bother? I'll just deal.

Now my big fear, especially with all the writing I've been doing lately, is that I'll develop carpal tunnel or something as well. Because that'd be just my luck, right?
senashenta: (I Just Want To Cry)

…I’m in pain today. I mean, I’m pretty much always in pain, but today the fibromyalgia and arthritis are really acting up and kicking my ass. And all last night my scoliosis made my back ACHE no matter what position I tried, so it was basically impossible to sleep.

I’m so TIRED. Of the physical pain. Of the mental pain. Of the crushing heartache. Of everything. I feel like I’ve done my fair share of the suffering and now I just want the world to stop turning so I can get off this ride.

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Sena

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