Sena's DW :: Watermelon Life

I'm getting sick. Or, well, SICKER. I'm always sick. But I woke up this morning with my sinuses blocked up and a bit of a sore throat that's going up into my ears, which is never a good sign. I have a tickle in my chest, too, so there's something going on there as well. I'm not really bad yet but give it a day or two and I'll be a mess. I knew it was coming, though, because I've been craving mushroom soup like WHOA, and I only really crave soup when I'm getting sick. Blegh. Not looking forward to the next week.

Anyway.

So, I complained and magically all my Temu orders were shipped out like three to four hours later, including the ones with preordered items in them, which I wasn't expecting. Assuming everything arrives on time, I'm happy with the customer service on Temu so far. Also I now have like... TWELVE orders in various stages of on the way to me, which is ridiculous and frankly kind of bad. I need to stop going on Temu, especially since I have to take the cats to the vet in February (Juna) and March (Pluto.) And the last three or four orders don't even have anything for other people for Christmas in them, they're strictly orders for myself, which... yeah. I have no self control.

I do, however, have Mom and my little brother sorted for Christmas via Temu (as well as Mom's birthday this year) and some stuff coming in for Dad that will complete his gifts as well, and something for Lee, though I still need to find more for him later on. So that's good, I guess. But it doesn't make up for my blatant overspending, that's for sure. :|

I also bought a copy of the movie Daddy's Little Girl on DVD from ebay yesterday. It's basically torture porn, which I'm usually not into (except for the Saw series), but for some reason this one is weirdly compelling, even though it makes me cringe sometimes. I think because the torture is so creative and not stuff I've seen in other movies, if that makes sense? I dunno, I just wanted it for my collection. I watched it on Tubi a few months back, and then again last night because they miraculously still have it. I'm considering picking up American Mary at some point, too, which isn't torture porn, but is like... graphic, twisted medical stuff. I've watched it a couple of times now, too, and the more I watch it the more I like it. But I guess we'll see.

Yesterday Trunks was supposed to be coming over to do laundry and for Mom to take him out and do groceries, but he cancelled at the last minute because he had to go to the ER for a TMI medical problem. He's fine, just uncomfortable, and he's supposed to be coming over today instead (I think.) I'm foisting off a bunch of sugary cereals on him, since I shouldn't have them anymore (because I can't have anything that tastes good anymore), and I asked him to bring one of his SPN USB drives from Christmas over because I have something to add to it (Supernatural The Anime Season 1 + Extras.) Not sure if he'll remember, but I've reminded him twice, now, so hopefully?

When the stupid external filter (with the surface skimmer that I desperately need) overflowed and flooded my room (there are still damp spots on the carpet gdi), it got water into the dresser, too, so I've spent the last few days doing a SHIT TON of laundry and then leaving the drawers open to finish drying properly. I have piles of laundry all over my room atm. But in DOING all that laundry I've found a bunch of clothes that no longer fit me, and I really have no chance in hell of EVER getting back into them, even if I DO manage to lose some of this PCOS/NAFLD weight. I'll never be as skinny as I was ten years ago. So, a couple of (small) bags of clothes are going to Valu Village some time soon-ish, including some pieces that I absolutely love and hate to part with. This whole medical weight thing really sucks. :(

For the last few months, Mom had been sleeping like 20 hours a day and I've commented on it a couple of times, and finally asked her to please talk to Dr. K about it next time she's in because I'm really getting concerned, but she says she's just bored. Apparently when she gets bored she gets sleepy, which I don't personally understand, but okay. I'm like... so do stuff. All she does is sit on the couch all day watching TV. If you're BORED read from your kindle, or do a puzzle, or whatever... I know she would rather be OUTSIDE doing things, but she can't exactly garden right now, but that doesn't mean there's nothing to do INSIDE. I'm sorry that Lee insists on watching the same three shows over and over and over again, but like, you have to be proactive, too. Maybe I should teach her how to make candles or jewelry or something, I dunno.

Only 18 days until I get to see Dr. K and can ask her about upping my ADHD meds, as well as SO MANY questions about NAFLD and PCOS, and why the fuck they can't check PCOS without an internal vaginal ultrasound NOW, when I was diagnosed with the condition via a REGULAR ultrasound 20 years ago?? I also need to talk to her about my CRIPPLING BACK PAIN whenever I lift something or twist the wrong way (hint: pretty much ever way is the wrong way) or bend over or do basically anything. I need muscle relaxants or painkillers or SOMETHING so help with the situation because the scoliosis is REAL.

I have a bunch of buttons I want to make for The Walking Dead, quotes and stuff, but I need to download the proper sized template from Vograce so I can do them, and I have to get my Etsy store back up and running now that the postal strike is over. Soon I'll have a bunch more Wiggly Foxes to post, not that the ones I already have posted are selling or anything. I need to take more pics of them, though, because now Etsy's algorithm doesn't even show listings in searches if they have less than two pictures, which is stupid.

Honestly, my entire Etsy journey so far has been frustrating... I know my stuff is good, and worth what I'm asking for it, and would do GREAT at a con or actual market, but on Etsy it all just sits and collects dust. It's frustrating and disheartening because I put a lot of effort into the pieces that I put up for sale. I think buttons might sell better, though, I just have to get off my duff and post them. =/

A couple of days ago I somehow ROYALLY buggered up my knee, and basically my whole left leg from the knee down hurt like FUCK, but especially the top of my foot for some reason? And only when I walked, when I STEPPED DOWN and put pressure on my leg. It wasn't sensitive to the touch or anything, it just hurt like fuck to WALK. And I was like, cool, you know, sounds like a plan, body, what else have you got for me? Luckily it only lasted a couple days, and this morning it's (mostly) back to normal with just some minor pain when I walk, which I hope will be completely gone in another day or two.

Next week Mom and I have to go back to the house in Baysville to haul furniture and boxes some more, and I think Mom plans to go twice in the week so that's going to suck but I guess it needs done so LET'S DO IT. It's just hard because of my back/hips/knees/wrists/hands/lungs BASICALLY MY WHOLE BODY, hauling heavy stuff up flights of stairs is like torture. But we have to get as much of it out to the garage as possible so that I know what's left to go to Dad's for storage there, since storage units are like $500/month now and I CANNOT afford that. :|

Last week when we were there we discovered that the mice that Grandma allowed to run rampant in the house for years had gotten into my couch and love seat so I had to throw those away. I have a chair down there still that I have to inspect but my hopes are not high for it, which SUCKS because it's the best chair EVER.

I have a lot of regrets in my life, but moving out of my last apartment and in with Grandma is one of the biggest ones. I was having mental health crises in that apartment, but if I had just stuck it out and gotten on the right meds it would have worked out and I could have stayed there. Then my stuff wouldn't be destroyed and I would have my own apartment, still. But I guess there's nothing I can do about it now, except wait for the subsidized housing people to get to me on the list, preferably some time this DECADE.

It's been twenty days since Poe last emailed me, other than to tell me that they couldn't email me for a while because of the whole mentioning TW thing. Sometimes I feel like our crazies match up, and other times I feel like they just look for excuses not to talk to me. I'm starting to wonder if we just weren't meant to be friends after all, considering all that's happened, even though we're basically the same person. I want to send them some Juna pics to cheer them up, but I don't know if that's allowed. I just don't know anymore. I just want them to be happy.

I still haven't gotten the wiggly foxes up on Etsy even though I said I was going to. I looked at the pictures I had taken and decided that I needed more of them, but then I've been procrastinating over actually DOING to pics, because I always do that, so they're just sitting here, staring at me.

I think I'm depressed right now and my motivation is just... not there for most things. I should be making candles, too, but I just... meh. I dunno, maybe I'll get out my candle stuff so I can make a couple later in the day when Jessie's room is closed up (that's where all my candle supplies are stored.) I really want to check the Dollarama for more of the super pretty Thanksgiving mugs to make into candles but I had to buy printer ink with my Trillium Benefit so I'm broke now until the end of the month unless I take money out of my jar again, which I shouldn't. Sucks.

I started writing three more Hijack one-shots last night, Switch, Paris and Violets Are Blue, all of which are Chemistry side-stories. I'm really enjoying writing Hijack in-and-around my SPN stuff lately, it's nice to get my head out of the Destiel for a while on occasion. I mean, I'm still working on Storm Season and When Lightning Strikes at the same time, and I also write a couple of blurbs for The House this morning, but, you know, variety is the spice of life and all that.

I really do want to write something for Valdemar soon, too. Maybe I'll finish Not Horses or Wander, or possibly Knowing? I don't know, I always have SO MANY Valdemar one-shot ideas it's hard to narrow it down to just one to work on. I'll figure it out, though.

Writing seems to be one thing I can still focus on despite the depression creeping back in, and I'm sure that's because of the ADHD meds. I think without them everything would just be me laying around thinking about the sweet embrace of death (again) and just generally being horrible. At least with the writing it gives me something to focus on and keep my mind of the CRUSHING DESPAIR, for part of the day, at least.

My Amazon cart currently has $145.09 worth of stuff in it, but to be fair there are 4 DVDs (Abigail, The Mitchell's VS The Machines, Sting & Kung Fu Panda 4) and two things of Halloween candy for next month, so it makes sense that it's that expensive. I can't pay for it until the 30th, and even then I might have to defer some of the stuff until my other government payments come in around the 15th of October. I also need to mail Poe's parcel when those come in, and the TINY PACKAGE is going to cost me like $118CAD WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK.

Literally I remember mailing SUBSTANTIAL parcels to the UK back in the day and it costing me like $38CAD to do it, I have no freaking idea why everything is so much more expensive nowadays. INFLATION, MAN.

P.S. I did manage to get about 3 hours of sleep last night after all. I am freaking exhausted, obviously. Going to go get candle stuff and then have a nap, I think. Hopefully I can sleep for real this time. *fingers crossed*

EDIT: Also, Mercedes Lackey is running another kickstarter type thing for a deluxe leather-bound book of like 30 of her short stories and I want it SO BAD but it's $100USD and it ends in like 15 days so WAY before I'll have the money to pay for it. I hate when people run kickstarters (etc.) for really short periods of time, it means people like me who have to scrape together the money get left in the lurch. :(

Just got finished posting Chapter Eight of Horror High to AO3, Tumblr and Vanimadin. I never get anything off Vanimadin, but then again I don't expect to, and I usually get 5 or less likes for each chapter on Tumblr, but at least I can count the hits on AO3. The last couple of chapters I've gotten a few more reviews and they all basically amount to "this is a great fic, don't get discouraged by the lack of reviews, please keep it up!" Which is nice to hear. Maybe I'll get a couple more messages with Chapter Eight?

Either way I've fully committed myself to writing Storm Season now, after all my waffling before. I've already written like 167 pages of Horror High, plus 5 one-shots that average around 32-ish pages each that go BETWEEN Horror High and Storm Season, AND started a one-shot that goes AFTER Storm Season, so I figure... FUCK IT. STORM SEASON IT IS. I'm currently 39 pages in and going strong! lol. (I'm aiming for around 150 but I learned not to estimate when I was writing Horror High.)

Anyway.

Today my goal is to overhaul my Writing Master Post over on tumblr. It hasn't been updated in YEARS and I need to add a Supernatural section and reorganize the The Witcher section so it makes more sense. I'm HOPING to locate all my old graphics that I was using, but I get the feeling those are lost to the void, so I'm going to have to just make all new ones. It's kind of a pain but I guess it is what it is.

I also need to figure out what I'm going to do for my photoblogging for today because I am currently coming up blank. :|

Did I mention that I freaking hate air pumps. They're loud and buzzy and just really annoying, and now I have TWO of them running, one for my betta fish tank and one for the filter/air stone in the axolotl aquarium, and there's a good chance I'm going to need a THIRD because I'm seriously considering adding a second filter/air stone to the axolotl tank just to be sure. I mean I had 3 running in my room at one point for all the betta tanks, back when I still had Geralt and Yennifer, but I LOATHED THEM. L-O-A-T-H-E-D.

...I just took my morning pills and I can already tell this is going to be a bad day with the lithium. It makes me SO SICK for SO LONG after I take it, EXCEPT since I started taking the Vyvanse at the same time it's been a lot better?? Dr. K was baffled when I told her that at my last appointment, like why would the ADHD meds be affecting the lithium that way?? NO CLUE BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING. I do still have some bad days when I end up really like, violently nauseous, though, and I think today might be one of those days. Boo.

I dug out one of my spare Cabbage Dogs last night, the ones I bought specifically to paint, since I finished Nonbinary Cabbage Dog the other day. I think this one is going to be a Pansexual Cabbage Dog? idk he's just staring at me from my work table right now seeming very pansexual to me. I'm going to try selling him on Etsy once I've finished him.

Still working on my Rainbow Dash wiggly fox; painting the entire tails of the wiggly foxes, and especially painting them rainbow, is a PROCESS. I learned that last time I painted a rainbow-tailed fox. It takes forever. But that reminds me, I do have five or six foxes already painted and ready to go that I could list on Etsy already. The problem is I have no boxes to ship them in? So I can't list them until I have the packaging material just in case. Not that I expect them to go fast or anything, my Etsy isn't exactly making bank. :|

I'm also partway through a Starry Void wiggly fox, I just have to actually paint his stars and touch up his ears a little bit. Poe requested him so I might send him to them when I'm done him rather than posting him for sale, but I haven't decided yet. I don't know if we're to the point of sending random gifts to one another yet or not, the copy of Tao Undead they sent me notwithstanding.

Speaking of Etsy and Poe, they had me go through all their button designs and pick out the ones I liked and then sent me the Photoshop files so I can order them to stock them in my shop as well. Then we're going to work out a percentage deal where they get, say, 10% of each button of theirs that I sell. I think it's a good plan and I like to collaborate with my friends, so I'm going to give it a go. I think they're still just... trying to make up for everything that happened back in the winter.

I think I've decided I'm going to download all my VLOGS from YouTube and then just delete them. Most of them, when I made them, were made strictly out of abject despair, and they're very raw and painful. I cry watching them even now. I don't regret MAKING them, at the time it was very cathartic to actually SAY THE WORDS OUT LOUD, even if it was just to myself, but I DO regret uploading them. It's a time in my life and a part of myself that I don't think I want out in my public YouTube anymore.

I'm considering selling Ishana. She's the doll that was originally supposed to be Katie, but when she came in I took one look at her and went "you're not Katie!" and immediately rebranded her. I like her well enough, but I haven't got the emotional connection with her that I have with (most of) my other dolls, I haven't bonded with her. Right now she's just kind of sitting around taking up space. I keep saying I'm going to do her faceup and then never getting around to it, and I doubt I ever will. So. Kijiji time? I think maybe. I can probably get $100 for her with her eyes, wig, clothes and shoes.

Poe never got back to me about the Finch Swap idea so I dunno if that's going to happen or not.

Also yes I am DEFINITELY having a bad, bad lithium day. I keep having to take breaks to go puke in the bathroom. There isn't even anything in my stomach so it's just horrible retching and dry heaving. :<

I need to take some aspirin because I'm having INTENSE gut pain atm but I don't know if I can keep it down. I think I'm just going to go lay down for a while. At least I got Horror High updated before everything went to pot. :|

Okay, so my jaw. Is FUCKED. It's not like... broken cleanly, if you know what I mean? In all the wrenching and twisting and yanking the Dentist did to pull the tooth out (almost) a month ago, she basically SPLINTERED IT, so there are shards sticking out everywhere, including outside of my gums. They had to shave some off when I was in last week to have ANOTHER tooth pulled, which I'm sure just exacerbated the problem. tldr; it feels like my head is going to explode and I can't chew ANYTHING right now.

...which I mean. Even if my jaw WASN'T jacked all to shit, I now have ZERO molars on my upper jaw, so I'm reduced to chewing with like one premolar on my top right side. I have about half an inch of chewing surface to work with now. I really need to get back to the Denturist and get them to send ANOTHER assessment to ODSP (the last one was denied because I wasn't missing enough TEETH) but I can't do that until I get the last of my cavities filled next month. Which brings me back around to my jaw because if it's not healed enough by my next APPOINTMENT I'll have to CANCEL IT and the whole Denturist thing will get put off even MORE.

FUCK, MAN.

Anyway. When I was in to see Dr. K last she suggested that my constant hunger in recent months could be because I'm not getting enough protein in my diet, which, okay, valid. I know I don't get enough protein. So now I'm drinking a protein shake every day around noon-ish and it seems to be helping. I'm not as hungry and I'm not CONSTANTLY snacking (also a broken jaw is helping curb this as well! :D;;) and so far I've lost just under ten pounds, which is great.

The problem is the protein powder is like $68 a month and I'm going to struggle to afford it. But a couple days ago Mom and I were at Costco and they had protein powder that was comparable to what I'm currently using on sale, and I managed to get 4 months supply for just over the cost of 1 month's worth at Walmart. I would have bought even MORE because THAT IS A GOOD SALE?? but I'm officially out of money for the month. But even at regular prices, the Costco stuff is about half as expensive, so I'll be buying it from there from now on, definitely.

Mom also suggested picking up some protein BARS from Costco to have around the house for the occasional times that I DO still feel snacky (because Kirkland protein bars are like half the cost of other brands at other stores) so I'm going to look into that when I do my shopping at the end of the month.

So when I was talking to Dr. K she suggested that, and also prescribed me uhhhh.... one sec. Spironolactone! (I think.) To hopefully help with the HORRIBLE ACNE I've been dealing with lately. EXCEPT. The other day I think I figured it out! My acne problem, I think, started about when I got my hair cut off AND STARTED USING HAIRSPRAY EVERY DAY. I THINK THE HAIRSPRAY IS GETTING INTO ALL OF MY PORES AND CLOGGING THEM UP. So two days ago I switched to hair gel instead and my skin already feels less gross. Pretty sure I found the culprit! ...the only thing that sucks is that I JUST bought a brand new can of hairspray two weeks ago and now it's just going to sit there. Blegh. I hate wasting money like that.

Um. What else.

Well, I'm working on Cerulean Blue right now, I'm like 9 pages in and on the first sex scene already so it's going about as expected. You should see me, an asexual, trying to write a MILLION smut scenes and keep them from getting boring when I, personally, couldn't care less. It's actually funny because I guarantee people who read my fics would never peg me as asexual. But I'm in this weird grey area of asexuality where I actually write sex scenes and enjoy writing them, I just get no sexual gratification out of them myself? It's weird. But also only m/m sex scenes, I don't want anything to do with female genitalia. :|

Which reminds me, I watched Alien: Romulus! (And then I watched it two more times, and will probably watch it several more in the near future, it's been too long since we've had a good Alien movie!) I really enjoyed it for the most part (obviously), the actor playing Andy was AMAZING, he had to play like four different versions of Andy over the course of the film and he nailed them all. Rain was a solid heroine in line with Ripley, just obviously younger and less experienced in the world. She was smart, though, and by the end of the movie I was definitely on Team Rain. I also really liked Tyler and was sad to see him bite it, but it IS an Alien movie, heavy casualties are to be expected.

Alien: Romulus was a solid movie, but for me it just suffered from being filled with too many TEENAGERS. (Realistically I'm pretty sure they were all supposed to be in the 19-->22ish age range? I should look that up.) A lot of them made stupid kid decisions that made me facepalm and the one guy was the epitome of an obnoxious teenage boy. HE HAD A COOL DEATH THOUGH SO THERE'S THAT.

The weird... vagina. Thing. That the one xenomorph births from was gross and left me feeling vaguely uncomfortable. Female genitalia really don't do it for me. (Says the person with pendants shaped like vulvas waiting to be made into necklaces.) So I could have done without that. Actually seeing someone die of alien acid blood was AWESOME. But again, they went with the human/alien hybrid at the end of the movie and I feel like we've been there, we've learned our lessons, why can't we just have a good, clean Alien film? I dunno.

Andy's "stay away from her you... bitch." was the best ever.

Apparently there's a new Predator movie coming out soon, too? But I haven't seen any trailers or anything so I'm not sure. The last one, Prey, was FUCKING FANTASTIC and if they keep it up I'm definitely in. I should watch Prey again some time soon...

Ummm. Oh. I have one book in my shopping cart at thriftbooks right now (I KNOW SHUT UP), The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater, and only because I have a free book so all I have to pay for is the shipping. The shipping is going to be about $10CAD, though, and I literally have $2.10 in my bank account right now SO I GUESS IT'S WAITING UNTIL THE END OF THE MONTH LOL. The Raven Boys is the first in a series (The Raven Boys, The Dream Thieves, Lily Blue Lily Blue and The Raven King) and sounds really good so I'll probably end up picking the rest of them up eventually. Just not right now, lol.

It's been five days and my order with The Wilder Girls and Camp Damascus hasn't shipped yet and I'm starting to get annoyed. I'll give it another day or so and then maybe email them and just be like "...??"

Poe has offered to give me the photoshop files for any buttons from their shop that I like so I can have them printed for Esprit Studios, and then we can split the profits. I think this is a good plan for both of us, they get a bit more off the top of my sales and I get, you know, SALES, ideally. But I can't be ordering a shit ton of buttons until I have money again, so this is a long-term project. In the meantime, after this I have to go on Etsy and upload some more of my own buttons. I just procrastinate because I hate the listing process SO MUCH. SO, SO MUCH. UGH.

I also need to re-photograph (most of) my jewelry and update the pics for that stuff because the pics I have up right now just aren't cutting it. I've been using paint sticks that I got at Home Depot as a background, recently, and I really like the results, but I don't have enough sticks to make a big enough background for some of the jewelry so I need to go back and get more. Maybe at the end of the month. Last time I took like ten and the lady gave me a dirty look. :|

Oh, and padded envelopes. I need to order a shit ton of padded envelopes off ebay and little teeny fox boxes off uline. Also tissue paper, which I can get at the dollar store, thank God, and more Thank You stickers and maybe Recycle Me stickers off AliExpress? I just want to be prepared so I don't run out of stuff like a week into this endeavour. I have a FEW envelopes (like 100??) and a FEW Thank You stickers (also about 100, I think??) but not much else. It hasn't been a huge priority the last few months, considering how things had been going and the static nature of my Etsy site. :|

Been working on foxes the last few days. My Concrete Peaches set, now that I have the right color of grey for them, and the Rainbow Dash one that Poe specifically asked for. The CP ones are about half done, but I've got a ways to go on RD fox. I'd forgotten how tedious it is to paint the entire tail on these things. Getting there, though! I'm also planning to finish off my Nonbinary Cabbage Dog so I can send it to Poe in the parcel I'm sending them at the end of the month. I pretty much just have to finish the purple bits, paint and eyes and nose black and do some minor touch ups and it'll be done. I can probably do it in an evening if my brain would let me put aside the writing and work on something else for a while. :P

That is only partially a complaint, by the way, I have written around 110 pages in the last five days and that is INCREDIBLE. Granted, it's all fanfiction for a series that's got basically ZERO TRACTION so far, but still. I'm having fun.

Oh, and I got a SUPER enthusiastic review on Don't You Forget About Me this morning where the person was like "I JUST READ EVERY FIC IN THIS SERIES AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH I AM EAGERLY AWAITING MORE" and yeah. That made me smile. I like reviews like that.

EDIT: Tomorrow is Update Day for Horror High, chapter 7 this time, which means I can expect a few clicks but absolutely no feedback as per usual.