Missing Him
Feb. 4th, 2011 12:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
senashentaFirst update in a while. Life just... well, let's put it this way: FUCK LIFE. ~_~;;
My second-eldest cat, Triton, has always been kind of sickly. Nothing too serious, but enough to be an ongoing concern. Back near the end of November he started losing weight; this wasn't entirely new, he had gone through weight-loss episodes before, and I always just had to adjust his diet and everything would go back to normal.
This time it didn't.
He continued losing weight until he was skeletal, completely emaciated. The vet couldn't tell me what was going on, so once again it became a matter of tinkering with his diet. I thought I had managed to get it under control about a month ago, and he was starting to gain a little weight back finally.
Then on Monday night he crashed hard. On Tuesday night I took him to the vet (it was the earliest I could get him in) and Dr. A told me that he was in a pretty serious state of kidney failure, as well as anemia and dehydration that went along with it. She did think that there was a chance he could pull through if I could get him hydrated again, but he was in a serious way.
I took him home and set him up with a hot water bottle to help keep him warm, and spent the next 36-ish hours feeding him water and soft-food-slurry with a syringe.
Still, it wasn't enough, and around 3:30am on Thursday morning he started to foam at the mouth and thrash around... and four minutes later he died.
...I don't know. I feel like I should have been able to do something for him, but it all happened so fast...
I called Mom, in the middle of the night, in absolute hysterics. Tri died. He just... died.
She hung up once she understood what I was wailing at her about, and about ten minutes later she and my brother walked in the door to find me on the bathroom floor sobbing and petting my dead cat and apologizing to him over and over again because he shouldn't have died like that.
I should have taken him to the vet again, sooner, and insisted on more theories about the weight loss. I should have done more. And when there wasn't anything else to do I should have at least fucking taken him in to be put to sleep because he suffered in the end and that wasn't fair to him!
Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck! It's all my fucking fault...
And now he's gone and I miss him so much I can't even describe it. He was my baby. My special, funny little guy. So unique and different, so quirky and funny and special and he's so totally irreplaceable...
I just want him back...
In any case... right now he's in a box in the freezer, waiting for the spring so I can bury him. I always kind of thought people who froze their pets were a little weird, but having all of this happen... the only other option was to throw him out, and that was wrong.
Tri was special and deserves more than to just be tossed in the trash. I refuse to do that to him.
Typing all of that out was really hard. It hurts to think about it, and even more so to talk about it. I kept having to take breaks to cry. ;__;
.....
Everything with Tri aside... the move was a nightmare. I moved the day after Tri died, and I don't know... I didn't handle it very well. I hadn't slept in days, and I just kept bursting into tears randomly, over stupid little things.
So moving sucked. A lot.
Other than that, I've been working on getting my aquarium up and running. I set it up here a couple weeks ago to run so that it would be ready for fish when I moved. So a few days ago I got some tetras, a pleco and some ghost shrimp to test the tank out and make sure it was running okay.
Since then a few tetras have died, but things have stabilized so today I picked up a second pleco (the first one was too small to do the job on his own) and three red bellied piranha. Haha, I've wanted them forever so I finally decided to give them a shot.
They're tiny right now because they're juveniles, but they're actually getting along well with the tetras and plecos (not bothering them at all) and ignoring the ghost shrimp all together. They're eating the tropical flake fish food, which I'll supplement with some fish (from the grocery store, not live ones) and fruits/veggies every few days.
Right now they're snacking on an orange slice.
Oh. And right now I have a massive chest cold and my sinuses are infected. Fucking awesome.
My second-eldest cat, Triton, has always been kind of sickly. Nothing too serious, but enough to be an ongoing concern. Back near the end of November he started losing weight; this wasn't entirely new, he had gone through weight-loss episodes before, and I always just had to adjust his diet and everything would go back to normal.
This time it didn't.
He continued losing weight until he was skeletal, completely emaciated. The vet couldn't tell me what was going on, so once again it became a matter of tinkering with his diet. I thought I had managed to get it under control about a month ago, and he was starting to gain a little weight back finally.
Then on Monday night he crashed hard. On Tuesday night I took him to the vet (it was the earliest I could get him in) and Dr. A told me that he was in a pretty serious state of kidney failure, as well as anemia and dehydration that went along with it. She did think that there was a chance he could pull through if I could get him hydrated again, but he was in a serious way.
I took him home and set him up with a hot water bottle to help keep him warm, and spent the next 36-ish hours feeding him water and soft-food-slurry with a syringe.
Still, it wasn't enough, and around 3:30am on Thursday morning he started to foam at the mouth and thrash around... and four minutes later he died.
...I don't know. I feel like I should have been able to do something for him, but it all happened so fast...
I called Mom, in the middle of the night, in absolute hysterics. Tri died. He just... died.
She hung up once she understood what I was wailing at her about, and about ten minutes later she and my brother walked in the door to find me on the bathroom floor sobbing and petting my dead cat and apologizing to him over and over again because he shouldn't have died like that.
I should have taken him to the vet again, sooner, and insisted on more theories about the weight loss. I should have done more. And when there wasn't anything else to do I should have at least fucking taken him in to be put to sleep because he suffered in the end and that wasn't fair to him!
Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck! It's all my fucking fault...
And now he's gone and I miss him so much I can't even describe it. He was my baby. My special, funny little guy. So unique and different, so quirky and funny and special and he's so totally irreplaceable...
I just want him back...
In any case... right now he's in a box in the freezer, waiting for the spring so I can bury him. I always kind of thought people who froze their pets were a little weird, but having all of this happen... the only other option was to throw him out, and that was wrong.
Tri was special and deserves more than to just be tossed in the trash. I refuse to do that to him.
Typing all of that out was really hard. It hurts to think about it, and even more so to talk about it. I kept having to take breaks to cry. ;__;
.....
Everything with Tri aside... the move was a nightmare. I moved the day after Tri died, and I don't know... I didn't handle it very well. I hadn't slept in days, and I just kept bursting into tears randomly, over stupid little things.
So moving sucked. A lot.
Other than that, I've been working on getting my aquarium up and running. I set it up here a couple weeks ago to run so that it would be ready for fish when I moved. So a few days ago I got some tetras, a pleco and some ghost shrimp to test the tank out and make sure it was running okay.
Since then a few tetras have died, but things have stabilized so today I picked up a second pleco (the first one was too small to do the job on his own) and three red bellied piranha. Haha, I've wanted them forever so I finally decided to give them a shot.
They're tiny right now because they're juveniles, but they're actually getting along well with the tetras and plecos (not bothering them at all) and ignoring the ghost shrimp all together. They're eating the tropical flake fish food, which I'll supplement with some fish (from the grocery store, not live ones) and fruits/veggies every few days.
Right now they're snacking on an orange slice.
Oh. And right now I have a massive chest cold and my sinuses are infected. Fucking awesome.
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