Sena's DW :: Watermelon Life

Today is my birthday, but I don't feel much like celebrating, and even if I DID, I don't have any FRIENDS to celebrate WITH anymore, so I guess it's a moot point. But Happy Birthday To Me anyway, I guess. Here's hoping 2025 is WAY better than 2024 was. After all, it couldn't get much worse.

.....

Somehow, Storm Season is doing even worse than Horror High when it comes to feedback and I don't know how that's possible but apparently it IS. I just posted Chapter 5 yesterday and so far it's got 3 comments, 35 kudos, 6 bookmarks and 463 hits all together and that is PATHETIC. I don't know if I'm just really wrong and HH and SS AREN'T good, or the SPN fandom is just THAT DEAD since the show ended a couple years back. Either way it's frustrating.

On the plus side, since the summer Horror High has jumped to 59 comments, 164 kudos, 28 bookmarks and 3,136 hits, which still isn't great but makes me feel a little better, at least? The 5 in-between one-shots all did poorly as well, and all I want is some feedback so I know what I'm doing WRONG, is that so much to ask?? It's very discouraging and almost makes me want to cry sometimes.

Anyway.

Yesterday I started accidentally editing Serendipity and now I've got the entire second half edited(ish) and just have to to the first half, which, admittedly, is backward, but you know, it is what it is. I still have a bunch more post-SS one-shots to edit, but I have even more to WRITE, so I'm kind of focusing on that more than anything else. I'm trying really hard to work on Temper Tantrums even though my brain really doesn't want to focus on that one, and I'm also working on Echoes off-and-on. Also, last night I changed the title of "Shrike" to "Endling" because reasons, even though I've only got like four paragraphs written on that one so far.

But yeah. Just trying to dig my way through Temper Tantrums right now so I can move on to something my ADHD brain likes better. (Of course, I could always just re-order them and move Temper Tantrums further down the rankings, but that would just be procrastinating. On the other hand, it would give me time to get my ADHD meds worked out again and maybe that would help? I dunno, still trying to decide.)

When it comes to original writing, I have another entry I want to make about Riley from MZ later on but that's all I really have to say for now. :D;;

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I appear to have misplaced one of my axolotls. When I look in the tank I can only see two no matter how hard/where I look and I KNOW the other one has to be in there SOMEWHERE, but the little buggers are really good at hiding so at this point unless I take all the hides out again just to make sure, I just have to wait for him to make his reappearance again. So far it's been 36 hours, I'll give it another 24 and then I'll start rustling the bushes and see if I can find him. I'm just worried something's happened to him, that's all. =/

...so far, since finishing The Walking Dead, I've also finished the first seasons of Dead City and The Ones Who Live and I liked both of those, but now I'm on to the World Beyond and I'm like... I dunno, it's this thing where every episode I watch I'm like "the writing is crap and the characters are crap and this entire show is crap and why am I watching this crap?" but then I find myself clicking on the next episode anyway. It's like I'm trapped. And I still have a season and a half to go. Bah.

Looking forward to the Daryl Dixon series, though.

Way back in the summer I like mainlined eight seasons of SPN and totally burnt myself out on it, and ever since then the rest of the series has been sitting on my HD just waiting for me to get back to it, and I think once I finish up with the TWD stuff that's currently on my HD I'm going to try going back to it and see if my brain has had enough of a break because literally one day I clicked on the next episode and my mind went "NO" and that was the end of it lol. I guess 15 seasons all at once was a lofty goal. Then again I watched 11 of TWD + 1 of DC + 1 of TOWL and now I'm watching WB and it's all The Walking Dead so... yeah. I dunno. Whatever. My brain is weird.

Today Mom and I are supposed to be going out to Michael's (for shirts and paint) and the Dollarama (for trash bags, an electric power bar and chocolate), and I want to see if she'll go to Shoppers so I can mail my postcards (late this month, boo!!) and use my $10 coupon before it expires. This is all weather/roads permitting, of course. We were supposed to go yesterday but then we got three feet of snow dumped on us and the snow plow didn't get here until 5 o'clock at night, so. =/

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I'm desperately trying to resist the urge to email Poe and ask how they're doing, since they deleted their Insta and again and that's never a good sign. I'm also thinking that possibly I'm the REASON they deleted their Insta, because I messaged them there a couple of times when they didn't reply to my emails. I'm starting to wonder if they view me as a stalker, to be honest, which is of course NOT my intent. I just can't turn my heart off and worry about them a lot. So, I'm trying very hard not to message/email them as much to give them the space they apparently need.

Sending that email back in September was the worst mistake of my life. Not that they were talking to me at that point anyway, because of the stupid Teen Wolf thing, but there was still the potential for future friendship. My apparently careless wording in that email has completely ruined that, and I'll regret that until the end of my days.

My new, updated Medic Alert bracelet came in the mail yesterday. It would have been here ages ago except for the postal strike. But whatever, it's here now and it's very streamlined and light so I'm happy with it even if I forgot to put Long Covid on it when I was listing my myriad of conditions. My severe asthma is listed, at least, so anyone looking at it will know that I have lung problems, so that's good enough for now. *shrug*

I went at and did all that work cleaning out the axolotl tank the other day and last night the external filter/surface skimmer started leaking AGAIN so I have a big wet patch behind the dresser again. Honestly, I have the worst luck with external filters, but I really needed the surface skimmer for this tank. Not much I can do about it now, though, if it's going to be a bitch on me I'm going to have to just junk it. I can't have it keep flooding my bedroom, after all. Maybe I can find another/better surface skimmer in the future.

Also the light for the axolotl aquarium died today, so there's that. I had to order a new one. Pain in the ass, but I need to be able to see for cleaning the tank, if nothing else. I don't really use it much otherwise since the 'lotls are nocturnal, mostly just for taking the occasional pic and for cleaning. I can't remember exactly when I bought that light... back in the spring, maybe? Earlier? Either way it hasn't been long. I wish things were made to last like they used to be, having to buy things over and over again is frustrating as all fuck.

Yesterday I finished watching The Walking Dead and I'm both satisfied and unsatisfied with the ending. It closed off some storylines, but left others completely dangling. I downloaded the first season of Dead City (because Jeffrey Dean Morgan, mostly) and the first two seasons of Daryl Dixon to watch. I should see if I can get my hands on Rick And Michonne, too, because their stories were the ones I was the most annoyed by the dangly endings to. And I have the first three seasons of Fear The Walking Dead that I just bought on DVD because I CANNOT find a download of it with working sound so save my life. =/

After I finish the first season of Dead City (only 6 episodes), though, I'm going to take a break from TWD stuff and maybe go back to my SPN re-watch. I powered my way through like 8 seasons of it before I had to stop and that was a few months ago, now. We'll see if I'm to the point I can go back to it yet or not lol.

I should be working on writing but I'm so tired I'm having trouble concentrating. Between top-to-bottom cleaning the axolotl tank a couple days ago and then having a night of total insomnia after that, my brain is fried even though I got a decent night's sleep LAST night. I think I'm just going to wrap up this entry and lay down for a couple more hours...

This afternoon I'm supposed to be baking and packing up my unsold candles, but we'll see how it goes.

My bedroom always has kind of an ambient sound level because of the filters, air stones and cooling fans from the axolotl tank, and while it bugged the shit out of me at first, for the most part I've gotten used to it. At night especially, I sleep with earplugs which muffles it significantly so it becomes just a sort of background humming. It can actually HELP me sleep on some nights.

And then there are nights like tonight, when the stupid aquarium noises are so goddamn loud I can hear them loudly even through the earplugs and I end up awake all freaking night because of it. Also the basically FULL-BODY restless leg I've got going on every time I try to relax and sleep right now, too. :|

Right. So. Basically, all night tonight I've just been mainlining The Walking Dead (I'm mostly through the last season now) and tidying up odds-and-ends around my room. Reorganizing my books and my beading stuff a little bit, and putting away all my candle making stuff that was taking up a corner of the dining room still. The candles were a flop anyway, I kind of wish I hadn't even bothered. I'll try listing them again next November and see if they sell then, though.

I have a box of DVD cases to take to the basement in the morning, though I'm not entirely sure where I'm going to PUT it in the basement. I just wish I didn't have to put all my movies in CD binders, I wish I could put up my DVD shelves for real and just... have my living room back. I miss my apartment and my furniture and my books and my movies and my stuff. I miss living with just me and my pets. I've long since worn out my welcome here and that's becoming more and more obvious every day. Not just with Lee, anymore, but with Mom, too.

I actually ordered a Wren!doll finally. Not the one I originally had picked out for her, because that doll isn't available anymore, but another one that I think fits her decently. I'm kind of settling a little, here, because the one I had picked out before was WREN, dude, but... it is what it is. Maybe some day that doll will come back into circulation and I can get one of them and make it into Wren and use the doll I just ordered as Suzuki or something. One can always hope, right?

I can't really afford a doll right now, but I really just wanted this one and... yeah. I'm feeling down lately so I bought myself a treat. I'm allowed sometimes, I think.

The last of my gifts for people finally arrived yesterday and I was like THANK GOD because they were slated to arrive anywhere up to the 30th of December, which, you know, wouldn't have been ideal. So, I was able to get my last five gifts under the tree and that means I am DONE (except for Cobin's cookies and Amy's pie which will be done at the very last minute, so probably on the 25th.)

This year we did Extended Family Christmas on the 14th, and we're doing Regular Family Christmas with my little brother tomorrow (the 21st) because he always spends Christmas in Toronto with his daughter and the girls now, and then on the 26th we're getting together with Amy, Brit, etc. (including Sarah and Heather, unfortunately) so we have no actual celebrating to do on the 24th or 25th, but that's not uncommon anymore, especially with my brother heading to TO every year.

I guess since we're all adults it probably shouldn't matter but it bothers me a little bit. I get really stuck in my ways and we used to have the big family Christmas every year on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and things are just so... different now. I know things change as you get older, but this year at Extended Family Christmas my Aunt Brenda said something about "not having to do this at all next year" meaning Grandma might be gone by then and why bother without her? And that hurt a lot because as much as I love Grandma, she's not the only thing holding this family together.

Or maybe she is, I don't even know anymore. Either way it sucks and I just want to go back to the way it used to be.

.....

Today Mom is taking me shopping. It's early for the month and terrible timing, but even if we waited until the 30th we'd be running into Boxing Week shoppers so I guess whatever. Mom is just going to sit at the McDonald's at Walmart and wait while I get my stuff. She'll take her kindle and be fine there. She HAS to come in with me at Costco, since I don't have a membership (the whole membership thing is stupid anyway, they would still be making just as much money without bilking people out of $60/year like they do but whatever), but otherwise she's just going to stay in the car, basically, because she hates shopping this time of year. Then tomorrow she gets to do it again with my brother.

Yesterday we went to Shoppers to buy pop because if Mom comes with me I get the Thursday senior's discount and it saves me like $10 to $20 depending on the month. This month it was $20 because I bought a cane as well, so I almost got the cane for free. I used to use a cane like twenty years ago when I weighed 270lbs and all my weight was fucking up my joints, and now because of the NAFLD I've gained a shit ton of weight back again and I'm having the same problems, with my already arthritic knees and hips. I won't have to use it all the time, but I am going to need it once in a while from here on out unless my Doctor and I can figure out a way to get my weight under control again. Thinking about it just makes me want to cry.

I'm still mainlining The Walking Dead. I'm up to Season 8, now, I just started it last night, but does Season 1 even really count? It WAS only six episodes, after all. The end of Season 7 is the big battle at Alexandria against the Saviors and Jeffrey Dean Morgan's delivery of "Holy shit, the widow is alive, guns a blazin'!" is possibly the best in the entire series. But then I'm just a fan of JDM in general and he did a really awesome job as Negan, start to finish.

Watching so much TWD has got me brainstorming for My Zombie a bit again, though. I did a ton of it a couple months back, but I still need to write out the plot start-to-finish and get all the details worked out. After TKA I'm going to work on either My Zombie or Freefall next, along with my never ending SPN stuff, of course. I have a new SPN/TWD crossover called Cessation that I've been tinkering with the last couple of days.

Speaking of SPN, I got a review on Storm Season today (or, last night) that made me smile first thing this morning: "THIS SEREIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME I THINK ABOUT IT ALL DAYYYYYY.. I've never been more invested in a fic series than I am with this one!!!!!!" SO MANY EXCLAMATION MARKS. SS only has three reviews so far (including this one) but it's really nice when someone is so enthusiastic about my work. I'm pretty much writing it for myself, because of the lack of response from the fandom, but the occasional feedback I do get is really nice.

Right now I'm working on Serendipity (#30) because of course I am. I really need to get back to writing the earlier SS one-shots, Temper Tantrums (#6) is next up on the list, followed by Hunting Souls (#7) but I just keep jumping around and putting them off. I think because even though the IDEAS are there I'm not entirely sure about the execution for either of them. Except for a car sex scene in Hunting Souls that I HAVE already written, but like, what else is new? Jump straight into the smut, says the freaking asexual writer. Figure that one out.

Anyway.

I think I might be developing an intolerance to my anti-nauseant tablets like I did with my sinus pills. This morning when I took my customary Gravol ahead of taking my pills to help keep them down I had TERRIBLE stomach cramps, which is what happens with sinus tabs now. It would make sense, considering the amount I need to take them, eventually your body just says Enough Is Enough, but still. I don't know what I'm going to do about my meds without Gravol to ease the way. At least I still have ginger ale? idek.

A couple weeks back, Pluto over-groomed himself, like a stress grooming situation, until he had a big bald patch on his belly and two bald patches, one on each leg. Juna used to stress groom sometimes, so I wasn't TOO concerned, but Juna also stress groomed himself almost completely bald so I was definitely keeping an eye on it. Pluto seems to have done it over the course of the days that we moved all the boxes out of the basement, moved the sewing desk (etc) INTO the basement, and got put up all the Christmas decorations, though, so it was probably just a "too much change too fast" thing. Pluto doesn't do well with change. But like I said, he pretty much did his over-grooming over that week and then stopped, and his bald patches haven't gotten any bigger since, and the hair is growing back in (slowly) so soon he'll look like a regular kitty again. Right now he's just got like... peach fuzz. It's actually kind of cute.

The other day I got a REALLY good picture of Kaida. The 'lotl's are slowly realizing that they can climb up on TOP of the one hide, that it has a flat top they can rest on, Ryuu was up there a couple days ago, and then the other day I looked over and Kaida was climbing up on it. And Kaida is SO handsome! He's darkened right down to black with darker black spots, and he has VIBRANT purple gills. So I took a couple of pics to share on Insta and show to Mom, and Mom was like "when you see him like that he's gorgeous!" You hear that, Kaida? You're GORGEOUS.

Itsy has been out and about a couple times lately, looking for crickees. He doesn't come out of his hide very often (at least not during the day), so he must be hungry. I'm really hoping Petsmart has large crickets in today so I can get him a good feed. If not I'll have to ask Mom to pick them up for me when she's out with my brother tomorrow.

Right, anyhoo. On to other things.

So, Family Christmas was yesterday. That's kind of a misnomer I guess because I have three Christmases this year and all of them are with family. Anyway, I went through a lot of internal debate on whether or not I was even going to go, and eventually I decided too even though my anxiety was going to be screaming at me the entire time.

But it turned out not to be so bad in the end. Grandma came, but she was having a relatively good day (she only said she wanted to be dead three times) and I was able to curb my anger toward Aunt Brenda and Uncle Alec. The only real problem was that Uncle Len brought his dogs along, and while Huxley is a DOLL (he's 12, he's SO lazy and calm), Asher is still a puppy and is ALL OVER THE PLACE. He's a sweet pup, but I just wanted him to go away. Or at least find somewhere to lay down for a bit once in a while, honestly.

In the gift exchange I got a sparkly Mickey Mouse lantern (the gift that Mom brought) and then when it was all over I traded with Mom for a set of remote-control LED candles that I really loved (and kept having stolen from me) and she gave the lantern to Uncle Len for Clare/Alex. Then she asked me to buy HER a set of the LED candles off Amazon for her birthday, so I did, for 50 freaking dollars, even though I can't afford it, really. I think Lee is going to pay me back for them and give them to her himself instead haha.

By the time we left for home I was utterly emotionally exhausted and we got home JUST in time for me to feed the cats and retreat to my room, where I watched a couple episodes of TWD and then went to bed... for like 45 minutes. And then I woke up again, and couldn't get back to sleep all night.

So, I've spent all last night binging TWD episodes and working on Wiggly Foxes. I for a lot of headway on the ones for my brother for Christmas, now I have to do the white parts and the sparkly bits, and then the last-minute touch-ups. Also, I ordered some clips to add to their key rings so they're more versatile, I think 50 of them? I'm going to start adding them to all my Foxies from now on.

Also, I photographed my Christmas candles on our Christmas tablecloth with some Christmas baubles behind them and posted the listing for them on FB, so hopefully I'll get some bites in the next few days. I would be nice to make up a little bit of money after spending so much for Christmas, you know?

Which reminds me, I need to go to the Dollarama in the next day or two and but bags and boxes for all my gifts because I am LITERALLY incapable of wrapping presents anymore because of my back. As soon as I start leaning over for ANYTHING it starts seizing up and turns into an utter SHITSHOW. It's something I need to talk to Dr. K about when I'm in to see her in the new year. But it's really too bad because I used to fucking LOVE wrapping presents. Now I do ONE and I'm FUCKED.

In finger news, the scabs are entirely gone now and all the skin around the cut area has peeled off to new skin underneath, but it's still sore in places so I know it's still healing underneath. Progress, though.

Depending on how things go with the sleeping later today, I think I'm going to try two write a couple of scenes for TKA, since I just finished another SS one-shot. Either that or I guess I can try to focus on Temper Tantrums because I REALLY need to get back to writing the earlier SS one-shots instead of all the last ones lol. But yes, TKA first if my brain is up for it on zero sleep, that's the plan!