Mom insisted that I spend the day/night at her place. I've been here for almost 24 hours now... and I actually am glad I'm here. I don't feel as alone here, for some reason.
My Doctor wasn't in the office today when we called. Not surprised. She's only there about three days a week anyway. So I'm going to see her tomorrow... and she's probably going to rescribe some heavy tranquilizers, and possibly lyhthium. I'm a fucking basketcase.
I've been crying almost nonstop since tuesday morning. Its now what... Thursday morning-ish? So for two whole days, not counting when I've managed to sleep, for bits and pieces at a time.
I ended up calling a crisis-type hotline today (on Mom's advice) and talked to a councillor for about 45 minutes. Spent the whole time in hysterics. Of course. The woman who talked to me was surprisingly patient, but I guess that's what she's paid for... anyway, she suggested that I call in sick to work tonight until I can talk to my Doctor tomorrow.
Good idea.
I don't know how I managed to make it through the
last shift.
But I wasn't about to call my Manager and tell her I wasn't coming in while I was crying like that. So Mom did it for me. I know, very mature of me, but I don't give a flipping damn right now.
Anyway, she called and told Jackie that we were "having a family crisis" and that in the middle of it, she remembered that I was supposed to work tonight, so she thought she should call in and tell her that I wouldn't be in. Not
entirely a lie, just kind of vague enough that it works.
Excape that Jackie wouldn't accept it.
It took Mom fifteen minutes to just tell her that I wouldn't be in tonight, because she kept going "why?" and "yes, you told me a crisis, but you're expecting me to accept that Sena won't be in tonight and you're not giving me anything to go on."
Mom was
so pissed off. She just goes "we're having a
family crisis, and it's
personal. I'm not entirely sure what's happening myself. Sena won't be in tonight."
To which Jackie replied, which
TONS of exess sarcasm; "oh, I guess she's having that
break down she said she was having yesterday."
And Mom went, "I don't know. Goodbye."
And hung up.
And then went, "bitch."
My Manager doesn't care in the least that I'm about an inch away from being hospitalized...
The only reason that I didn't quit last night is because Mom convinved me not to quit until I talk to the Doctor--if she writes a note saying that I can't work there for health reasons, then I can quit and be elligible for workman's comp/unemployment insurance until I can find a new job.
I
hate the idea of being on unemployment, but at the same time, if I don't have any money at all, I can't pay my rent and I can't pay for food for my cats/squirrels/me... DAMMIT.
Anyway, thank you very very much to everybody who's been trying to make me feel better. I appreciate all the support more thank you can ever imagine... not to mention knowing that there are actually people out there that
don't think I'm nothing but a fuck up. In short: *HUGS BACK*
EDIT:
etcetera_cat,
kierseth,
elsewherecw,
cassandracsenta and
midnightstar16, your Christmas presents are going to be a bit late getting to you. I was going to mail them a while ago, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Sorry.