senashenta: (Idiot Savant)
Pics of my new ball python, Ayame. Everything's under a cut in case there's someone on my flist that's got a problem with snakes. Isn't Aya pretty? I luff him. I'm looking forward to having him for a long, long time. ♥

Aya :3 )

I've wanted a snake for a pet for years and years, but for the longest time I didn't get one because of my Grandpa. He HATED snakes, and I was seriously afraid he would disown me if I got one. Even now, after I brought Aya home I said a little prayer at Grandpa's shrine for him to forgive me. >>;

Anyway, after he died I started looking into them more seriously but between one thing and another (mostly monetary issues) it took me about five years to get one. I ended up deciding on a ball python because I like the constrictors but I don't want one that's going to end up 20 freaking feet long like the large ones can. Plus ball pythons are easy to take care of and a good snake for someone who's never dealt with them before. :)

lol I need to find a Furuba icon of Aya now. xD
senashenta: (Hotaru... Butterflies)
GAH. I was fine until about twenty minutes ago, and then I started feeling sick. One second I was painting a pony, the next my ears were ringing, my nose was fucking gushing, and my throat was killing me. When I went to look in the mirror, there are red stripes all down the back of my throat. ><;

I should have known when I woke up feeling okay this morning. >>;

Sooo I took some cold pills to help with my nose I've gone through half a freaking box of kleenex in 20 minutes and once they kick in (should be any time now) and it stops fucking running off my face, I'll start working on Sakura again. Not anime-related Sakura, just the name I gave the pony I'm working on right now.

Blegh.

BTW, I forgot to mention a conversation I had with Grandma while I was at her place; she was telling me, one day a couple months ago she was excersizing (she does so for an hour every morning in the basement), she looked down and there was a black and yellow butterfly sitting on the ground next to the eliptical trainer. She didn't think anything of it, and kept going, and a few minutes later when she was finished, she looked again, and it was still there. So she headed off to get dressed and everything and later on that day when she went down again it was gone.

For some reason, it made her think of Grandpa. And ever since then she's been attracted to butterflies; while I was out shopping with her on Tuesday she pointed out countless things with butterflies on them.

But she told me that, and it reminded me of something I'd heard; butterflies are supposed to be a message from someone who's passed on. Or, they can be anyway. Just to say "I'm here", you know? So I mentioned it to her... and she just started to cry. >>; I felt bad, but she told me it was happy tears. Then we talked about Grandpa for a while, and we both cried off-and-on about it.

I haven't really talked about Grandpa much since he died, and I haven't cried almost at all, but it was kind of nice, strange as that sounds. Like I wasn't bottling things up as much anymore, which I know I do all the time. I don't like people to worry about me, so I just shove everything down and try to forget about it.

Anyway, butterflies. I didn't tell her because the conversation drifted, but the day that Grandpa died when we went up to Bracebridge to say goodbye to him after he was gone, it was a bright sunny summer day out, and I saw more butterflies out that day than I did for the entire summer before or after, or any other summer I can think of. They were everywhere, and it was strangely comforting.

Yeah. This post is really random.

EDIT: Depending on how I'm feeling, there will be snow photos, and Tetsuya-photos tomorrow!

My Valentinr - senashenta
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I lurves Valentines! :3


Crush this person!
Get your own ThisCrush.com CrushTag!

And I'm posting this one again just because I like it. lol.
senashenta: (Boredom Kills)
I made the first batch of Christmas Jam today... 10 jars down, like 20 more to go. XD;

Photoblogging, Day 17 )
senashenta: (Chii)
Today is my Grandpa's birthday, and it's the first once since he passed away last summer. It feels strange... I don't really know what to say. Mom and I went up north to spend a few hours with Grandma after Mom got off work today, because we were both a little worried about how she would be dealing with today...

But she seems to be doing fine. She fed us as always, and fluttered around like a hummingbird. She's all excited about Anime North coming up and wants to know all about my selling ponies and phonestraps and whatnot. She wants me to take lots of pictures. <3

So today wasn't as bad as I was afraid it might be. In fact, we all feel better for having spent some time together.

Happy Birthday Grandpa. ♥ ♥ ♥
senashenta: (Procrastinators Unite)
...mrrrh...

I miss my manic swing.

Stupid, huh? But I've sunk back into depression again, and now I'm not productive anymore. I was getting ponies done so fast, but I've been kind of puttering lately instead of really getting anything completed.

Though I guess I have got Arisa!pony rehaired/finished, and I think I'm done my new Ed!pony. I haven't given him bangs this time, and I'm kind of meditating on him, trying to decide if I should make clay ones for him or not... he looks okay without them, so I dunno... AHHH! ><;; Work brain, work!

I've also done as much on Kairi!pony as I can before I do her hair/tail (since they're clay and she needs to bake); oh, but I need to paint her symbol. Which keyblade is hers? Does she have a specific one? *knows nothing about KH but is a fan anyway thanks a lot Kao-mun XD;;*

In a somewhat related note, I was talking to Mom about the current ponies I'm working on, and she doesn't know Kingdom Hearts at all (I didn't expect her to), so I pulled up some pics... and she saw Sora's outfit and laughed at me. >>;;

Yeah, I've been procrastinating over him. Screw you too, Disney/Square. lol.

OH.

I'm going out East again this summer. :)

Apparently last summer, Grandma and Grandpa were supposed to go-- and clearly that never happened. But Grandpa really wanted to go... the Atlantic provinces were somewhere he always wanted to see. So this summer, Grandma wants to go. She hasn't said it, but it's obviously because she knows he wanted to so badly.

But she doesn't want to go by herself, so I'm going with her, and so is Jessica (my... second-cousin? Something like that.) Jess can drive, though, so at least Grandma won't be the only one. We learned that when I went with Ryuu and Dake. You need more than one person who can drive. ^_^;;

Anyhoo, so she's all excited, and she's got me making lists of the places I want to go and whatnot. So far;

--Shediac (lmao, giant lobster! I just want to take pictures there~)
--Bird Islands (did this with Ryuu and Dake and it was AWESOME)
--Bay of Fundy (SO gorgeous!)
--Magnetic Hill (supposedly very cool)
--Cabbot Trail (Cabott? Cabbott? Anyway, also supposedly very very cool/gorgeous)
--Halifax (just to take pictures of the awesome graffiti there XDD)
--(OMG) P.E.I. (SERIOUSLY I WOULD STAY THERE THE WHOLE TIME ♥ ♥ ♥)

I'm sure there's more, but those are the big ones. It'll be fun, and Mom says I can borrow the new digital camera she and Lee got last year; it's like TEH SPIFFEH. A $600 camera or something like that, with all the bells and whistles. It holds thousands of photos and takes amazing pics. A camera that I could never afford, but they're nice and said I could use it.
senashenta: (Thunder: Tamaki + Haruhi)
I don't dream very often; I used to, before I started having trouble with my sleeping, but the last few years I haven't been. I don't sleep deeply enough to dream most nights.

But last night I dreamt about Grandpa.

Trunks and I were both at Grandma's place, getting ready for a Halloween party (for some reason). Mom and Lee were supposed to join us there later. And then the door opened, and Grandpa walked in-- and Trunks and I both froze. It felt like my heart jumped right up into my throat. He's alive?! But then we realised it was Uncle Gordon, who had dressed up as Grandpa for Halloween, as a tribute or something.

I don't know why, but that dream really got to me.

Stupid, huh?
senashenta: (I Just Want To Cry)
1) Screw you, Grey's Anatomy. This episode is kicking my ass in a serious way... mostly because they're doing surgery on George's father to remove cancer, and found out it had spread all over the damn place. It reminds me of Grandpa, and now my throat hurts and I'm going to cry.

2) Lately I've been thinking about my life... or my lack-of-life. It's going nowhere. I have nothing, really. And if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I'm not really very happy. I like to pretend, to put on a cheerful face so that no one worries about me, and sometimes I can even trick myself into thinking that I'm not doing all that badly, but I really am.

It's hard to explain, and I can't really wrap my head around it properly to find the words. I guess the bottom line is that I'm still depressed, despite all the medications the doctor has me on, and I've still got so many other health problems that aren't even close to being resolved... fuck. It's stupid, and frustrating, and I just want to go to sleep and wake up as a completely different person.

Anyone want to trade me immune systems? Brains? Free bi-polar disorder to anyone who wants it! Or you know, I could use a million dollars. For school, and traveling, and living somewhere that isn't almost literally fucking killing me with bird feathers in the bloody floor. So if someone has an extra million just kicking around, they could send it in my direction.

Yeah...

Sorry. Just me feeling sorry for myself, I guess. Ignore me. =__=;;
senashenta: (FFVII Cloud)
Yeah, two days later, but watch me ramble about visiting my Grandma. X3;;

Wow, she's doing so much better! It was like visiting Grandma again. Last time it had only been three weeks since Grandpa died, and she was really still out of it, but this time she was almost back to normal. She talked about decorating and baking for Christmas, and buying new clothes. She showed off her plants, which she always used to do. And of course, she practically threw food at me from every direction, but she's always been the kind to feed people.

I was so happy to see her like that again. ^__^

So let's see. The first day when Mom dropped me off, Grandma made us have lunch like as soon as we got there. She'd made minestrone soup (she makes awesome minestrone soup!) and rice pudding, and while we were eating she was complaining that the rice pudding hadn't turned out quite right, it was really sticky for some reason.

She'd bought rice specifically for it, since it calls for white rice and all she had was brown (like it really matters all that much), and as it turned out, she'd bought sticky rice. And Mom just started LAUGHING. WTF, I was like "SHUTTUP." >>;;

I searched all over the damn place a few months back for sticky rice, and couldn't find it anywhere. Finally I had to go to a health food place and buy it at a really high price just to get some, and Grandma goes out and buys the cheapest rice she can find, and accidentally ends up with sticky rice. ARGH. WHY DO THE COSMOS MOCK ME SO??

Grandma laughed, too. >__>

But then she gave me the rest of the bag of rice, because she didn't like it and I was wibbling over the unfairness of it all, lol.

The next day, we went into Huntsville to get more rice (she needed "normal" white rice, and I ended up buying three more bags of the sticky rice for about $1.25 each), and we picked up odds and ends while we were at the grocery store. Then we went to the salvation army to poke about for ponies, and managed to find two. Both of them had horrible hair that was a pain to hack off, but other than that they were in really good condition. <3

Oh, and we went to the dollar store where I bought ribbon and some misc. things to send in the next round of P.O.S. boxes~

That night Grandma went out to play yuchre (or however you spell it) at the seniors center, and I watched Standoff and House while she was gone. I was glad to sit and watch tv by myself. She had a really hard time in the beginning, because she'd just always spent her time at home with Grandpa, and without him around she had no one to pass the time with, and was really lonely. I'm glad she's getting out more, to play cards and to bazaars and things like that.

And she's taking a computer course! She's all excited about learning how to create folders and cut-and-paste text, and it seems weird to me because those type of things are practically second nature... but she's never had a computer before, and Uncle Alec just gave her one of his (he has several >>;) a couple of months ago. So she's set about learning how to use it. :)

Ahhhh, anyway...

The day after that, Grandma made date squares, because they are my favorite. =3 And also because we were discussing it, and I was saying that I'd tried to make them last year at Christmas time and failed miserably, and I didn't know why. It turns out I was using a pan that was hugely the wrong size. ^_^;;

So when we figured that out, she started digging through her cupboards for a pan to give me, and we ended up going through all of her immense collection of baking utensils/pans/whatever for about three hours. By the time we were done, the cupboards were empty and everything was spread out over the floor. She was having so much fun showing everything off, I couldn't bring myself to stop her. XD;;

Then she have me a cake pan and a muffin pan, and some cookie sheets, and a bamboo steamer and a slow cooker and other odds and ends. >^-^;; I always leave Grandma's with way more stuff than I go there with...

That night was Bones (which I cried like a baby over, by the way), Criminal Minds and CSI: New York. Yep.

Then the day she took me home, we stopped on the way in Gravenhurst to visit Giant Tiger and the salvation army there. At GT I ended up with a bunch more odds and ends... and Map-O-Spread to send to [livejournal.com profile] smoulderedtears and [livejournal.com profile] cat_mcdougall, yey! Then at the salvation army I got TONS of ponies for about $5! 14 or 15 of them, I think. ^____^ Plus the lion with the wings and the crown from the movie back in the 80's, whose name I don't remember. We lucked out there!

And while I was at her place, I poked through her recipes and picked out a bunch that I wanted, mostly to send to [livejournal.com profile] cat_mcdougall, since she asked so nicely in her Christmas wishlist post. I already have a gift for her, but I feel the need to share some of my childhood favorites!

Ah, and Grandma send me home with some Pumpkin Chip Muffins to try. Pumpkin with chocolate chips. |_|; They were alright. Pretty different, but good. ♥

All in all, it was a good visit, and made me feel really good. I'm not nearly so worried about her anymore, and after I talked to Mom about everything neither is she.

OH.

But I noticed something creepy on Wednesday night. Grandma was ticking away at the computer in the back bedroom, and I was watching tv... and there's this clock that Grandpa got for Christmas last year sitting on the shelves. It was SUCH a pain in the ass to set up, but with a tremendous group effort we did manage to get it working.

And I noticed it wasn't running.

The hands had stopped at 4:45, which is the time in the morning that Grandpa died, three months ago.

Movie Day

Oct. 7th, 2006 10:24 pm
senashenta: (I Can't Let The World Bring Me Down)
Today was a rp smut movie day. I haven't had a good movie day in a while. :)

I watched X:Men: The Last Stand, Centipede and Minotaur, in that order. ^_^

X-3 was alright... Kao-mun was right, though, it wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be. ;-; Kinda disappointing. But still, fun special effects and stuff. Centipede was awful. XD;; The acting was just... oh man, those people should have had to pay to be in a movie like that. *sniggersnort* In contrast, for a b-grade movie, Minotaur was actually pretty decent. There were some parts that made me roll my eyes, but it wouldn't be a b-grade if there weren't one or two of those. ^_~

Anyway~

Thanksgiving dinner with the family tomorrow, which, while it will be fun, will also be kind of sad. This will be the first big family gathering since Grandpa died, so it might be hard... I'll probably have to sneak off and take a walk or something at least once. Ahh... I still miss him...

But that aside, we get to see everyone, including my Great-Aunt Jean and Great-Uncle Bob, who we never see. They came up to visit with Grandma for the week. In fact, if Trunks comes tomorrow (and he bloody well better!), it will be the first time Jean and Bob have ever seen him. That's how often we get together with them. ^_^;;
senashenta: (Urge To Kill RISING)
This has been a crappy summer for my RL circle of friends.

C.A.'s Grandpa died the day she got back from Africa; two weeks later, my Grandpa died. Then today, C.A. called me to tell me that Pam's Dad died yesterday or the day before. He was playing with his grandkids (Pam's sister's kids), and sat down... and just never got back up again.

I'm so worried about Pam right now...

The faster this bloody summer ends, the better as far as I'm concerned.
senashenta: (Lightning Crashes)
OMFG friggin' RP angstiness! Today's was even supposed to be smut originally worse than the last couple... we need to get past it! Fast! It's killing me! Besides which, it has nothing to do with the Battle of the Bands and the actual plot of the RP itself. ^_^;; Eheheh... Kao and I need to get everyone else together before we can figure out the band business, though...

Anyway, RP!angst aside, I'm doing alright. Better the last few days, I think all the RPing despite being angst-riddled has been a good distraction, so I don't have as much time to be depressed over Grandpa. Mom's dealing alright, too.

Grandma mentioned wanting me to come and stay with her, but then some of my distant relatives (read as: people I don't really know, despite them being related to me) happened to be driving down to Niagara Falls, and offered to take her with them to visit with Lawrence and Jackie (my great uncle/aunt), so she's there for a few days.

When she gets back, she wants to spend a few days by herself again before she has to have someone come to stay with her... she's really trying to get used to being on her own. So Mom figures it'll be a week-and-a-half or so two weeks before she asks about me coming to visit.

One day at a time, I guess...
senashenta: (Peace Out)
C.A. came over yesterday around 4-ish (after she got off work), and hung around for a while. It's the first time I've seen her since she got back from Botswana, so it was nice to talk with her. She told me about her trip and some of the stuff she did and people she met. I'm so jealous that she gets to travel as much as she does! ;-;

She brought a bunch of tribal-design necklaces back for everyone, and let me pick which one I wanted. (She brought necklaces back from Belise last year, too. <3) There were some really neat ones-- I ended up choosing one that was kind of triangular shaped with designs etched into it. I'll take a pic or something later.

She things Loki is super cute! =3 lol, so do I~~

I felt kind of bad, though... usually if I know people are coming over, I make a point to tidy up the place, but I just haven't had the time the last few days, between one thing and another. So my place was pretty cluttered and unorganized.

C.A. understands, though, and doesn't mind in the least. Actually, her Grandpa died about two weeks before mine did, so she really knows where I'm coming from with not having the time to tidy and stuff...

Anyway~

I also gave her the RoTK puzzle book that Mom got for her way back when we were in Toronto for Anime North (and she squealed over it), and the recipe for Dandelion Wine that Grandma copied out for me to give to her however many months ago. She was like "I'm SO going to make this right now so I can get HAMMERED in... uh... six months."

But then I reminded her that the dandelions are all gone already, so she'll have to wait until next summer to even make it, then still wait for it to age. >^-^;;
senashenta: (I Won't Be Broken Again)
Yesterday, Mom, Lee, Trunks and I went up to Grandma's again, because we were having a rememberance gathering for Grandpa in the afternoon, with friends and family. He said he didn't want a funeral/memorial/etc., and we know that, but the gathering was more for us than for him.

I brought the pie and cheesecake with me, but most of it didn't get eaten; Mom took half the pie home, and I brought a little over half of the cheesecake back with me. The cake is gone, though, and most of the cookies, too. They went over really well, apparently. :)

In any case, when we got to Grandma's there was already a bunch of people there. Honestly, I didn't recognize any of them except for Aunt Jackie. They were all distant relatives, Grandma's brothers and sisters, and whatnot. I feel kind of bad about it, but I've only met most of them once or twice in my life, so...

The gathering went really well. I was kind of afraid that everyone would be upset, and it would be really hard for Grandma, or Mom, or other people, but everyone was in a pretty good mood. We all just stood around and talked, caught up, and told stories about Grandpa. It was nice, actually, and seemed to really be good for Grandma. I know it was good for Mom, too.

Most of the time I was fine. The only time I had trouble was about an hour in, when I started to get really claustraphobic and had to leave-- the woman I was talking to at the time (Joan, one of Mom's old friends) asked if I was alright, and I explained that I was starting to freak out because there were too many people...

And she smiled and said "you're Walter's granddaughter, alright. He was always like that, too."

That made me want to cry, but only for a minute. I miss Grandpa...

Anyway, Trunks and I ended up going back to Grandma's place after just an hour, and there were two hours left. I felt a bit guilty for leaving, but I just couldn't stay. They all said it was okay, though.

Then last night, Mom and I stayed overnight there, since we had a Chiropractor's appointment this morning up in Bracebridge. Uncle Alec and Aunt Brenda stayed pretty late, and we all chatted and tried to keep Grandma's spirit up, and keep her mind off of things. Then they left, and we all went to bed.

I'm really worried about her, still, though... she just seems so lost. I said that if she wanted some company, I'm more than willing to go up and stay with her for a while, and she said she'd let me know if she needed me, and Mom will drive me up. I think she needs some time to herself, but I also think being alone in the house will be very hard for her...

I hope she'll be okay...

Seven Days

Aug. 12th, 2006 07:43 pm
senashenta: (I Can't Let The World Bring Me Down)
It's been a week today since Grandpa passed on.

Tomorrow is the rememberance thing for him, so Mom and I went up to help Grandma make sandwiches and stuff (Uncle Len and Aunt Claire, Alex, and Uncle Alec and Aunt Brenda were there, too.)

It's so sad... Grandma isn't even close to herself, not that it's surprising of course. Still. She's only half-there, and she's having so much trouble making even simple decisions right now. She's just completely out of her depth, and doesn't know what to do about anything...

That's why we're helping for the get together tomorrow, because she's having so much trouble doing it herself.

Anyway, I did a bunch of baking on Wednesday; oatmeal and sugar cookies, and a white cake. Then today after I got home, I made a strawberry-rhubarb pie, and a strawberry-rhubard cheesecake, which we're taking with us tomorrow morning when we go up. Apparently, Grandma already bought some goodies from M&M, too.

That in itself is just terrible; Grandma never buys desserts. She always makes her own.

The only time today that Grandma was close to her usual self was when we had lunch and chatted about things not relating at all to what's going on now, and shortly after that when she came with Mom and I to go pick rhubarb from one of the neighbor's gardens...
senashenta: (If You Still Believe)
Lee took Mom and I to Kempenfest (or however you spell it) today, to try to cheer us up. Possum came with us. Kempenfest is like this bige festival, with tons of music, and miles of stalls with things to shop for. Crafts, pottery, art, and stuff like that. Usually it happens at the same time as the Barrie summer fair, too, so down by one end the festival kind of trails into the fair, and there are rides.

It's normally fun stuff, and I did enjoy it today, but at the same time it was kind of dampened. Nothing feels right at the moment... you know? Anyway, Mom ended up buying a necklace, and I got a really nice glass photo frame, which is for a photo of Grandpa, once I find a really good one that I want to put in.

I think I'm going to take [livejournal.com profile] mavan's advice, and put together a little spot in my apartment in his memory, with a photo and a candle, and maybe some flowers. And I think I'm going to do a pony in his memory (her name is going to be "Candle In The Dark")... does that seem stupid? I dunno...

Well... photos now, I guess!

Pics of cats, whilst at Mom's place. )

Pics of rabbits. )

Pics of Possum. )

Pics of... stuff. )
senashenta: (Thunder: Tamaki + Haruhi)
This morning, I woke up at 5:36. I sat straight up. I went downstairs to the washroom. I came back upstairs, and sat on my bed again. I stared into the darkness.

Two minutes later, Lee called.

Grandpa stopped breathing and was pronounced dead at 5:30am, just six minutes before I was jolted awake, by some feeling I can't explain.

More talking behind the cut. )

I miss him so much already. I wish I'd had more time, just to say goodbye and tell him how much I love him.

Since this morning, I've seen more butterflies than I normally do in an entire summer; I can't help but wonder if it means something. Maybe that he made it alright... maybe that he's free now... maybe that there isn't any more pain...

Maybe that he misses me-- us-- too.

....

I love you Grandpa, and I hope you're happy and safe now. In the end, at least I know you didn't suffer for long.
senashenta: (This Is Not Happening)
Grandma just called again...

Grandpa's been moved from intensive care to palative care in the hospital... which basically means that they're keeping him comfortable and waiting for him to die.

She says that when he talks, you can't understand him anymore, because he isn't breathing well enough to get the words out of his throat. But most of the time, they have him on so many pain drugs that he's out of it anyway.

Mom's going up to see him tomorrow, and to discuss arrangements with Grandma. Uncle Alec and Uncle Len are going too, to kind of have a conference about it. I'm not going to go, though she said that I could if I wanted to-- I want to see Grandpa, but I don't think I could handle talking about his funeral, or even being around when everyone else was.

Mom is downstairs crying right now. I'm up here crying.

I can't believe this is happening...

Going Fast

Jul. 30th, 2006 10:01 pm
senashenta: (Save Me)
Grandma just called; she asked how things were going with me, and if I'd heard from Mom since they left for their vacation, and if I had a phone number that I could contact them at if I had to... and the last one made me pause, just because of the tone in her voice when she asked it.

Grandpa's in the hospital now.

Apparently a few days ago, he had to be admitted, and they assumed it would just be for a day or two-- but he's going downhill so fast that the doctors had him stay. He probably won't be going home again. Grandpa wouldn't agree to stay unless he was really, really sick.

When they went to the specialist a couple of weeks ago, he told them that he thought Grandpa had at least a couple of months left, possibly more... but now it looks like that was a really optomistic estimate. He's getting worse and worse every day, despite round-the-clock care in the hospital.

He probably won't be around much longer.

But... Grandma doesn't want me to call Mom yet, because they don't have anything conclusive from the doctors yet. Mom and Lee's plane tickets are non-refundable, and she has no way of getting home until the flight on Wednesday, so she doesn't want to call her and ruin the rest of her vacation, unless she absolutely has to.

I somewhat agree... but at the same time, I feel a bit guilty about not calling. Like I'm hiding something from her, even though I know it's not like that. I told Grandma that I'll let her know when she gets home, and get Mom to call her.

As for Grandma herself, she just sounds really tired. She's spending most of her days at the hospital, or running to and from it, and not getting much else done. She's still not sleeping. I imagine she's not eating much, or very well, though I don't know that for sure...

I'm so worried about her-- almost as much as I am about Grandpa at most times, and sometimes even more. I know it sounds stupid, but I know what's going on with Grandpa, and what's going to happen, but with Grandma... there's really no way of knowing how she's doing, since she's the kind of person who puts up fronts for others. A lot like myself, I guess...

Yeah...

No More

Jul. 21st, 2006 10:21 pm
senashenta: (I Will Not Give Up)
Grandma has this thing where she takes a lot of herbal "remedies" and "preventative" pills, and pretty much has been forcing Grandpa to take them, too. They each took a handful of them a day before he got sick, and since then she's been plying more and more of them on him, I guess in the hope that maybe they'll make him better...

I have a lot of oppinions about this, not because I don't believe in taking supliments and vitamins, or even herbal remedies/pills, but more because of the amount that she was making him take. I remember her saying about one of the kinds of pills "the normal maintenance dose for a healthy person is two pills a day, but I've got him taking eight."

Doesn't this seem dangerous, even though it's not controlled substances, or prescribed medications? I know she's only trying to help, but I was worried that she might be doing more harm than good in some ways.

In any case, apparently Grandpa finally had it and just told her "get away from me woman!" or something to that effect. No more pills, he said, so he's no longer taking any of the suppliments/etc. that she had him on. The one pills he's taking are the pain meds prescribed by the doctors.

Grandma is a bit upset... I think she feels helpless now, like at least when she was giving him the pills, she was doing something to try to help him. But at the same time, when Grandpa says "no", he really means it. She won't talk him into taking the pills again unless the doctors officially prescribe them.

Other than that, he seems to be doing alright. His breathing is slowly and steadily getting worse, though, so it probably won't be too long before he has to go onto oxygen. Still, he has good days and bad days.

I guess that's about the way of it with cancer, or any serious illness...
senashenta: (I Will Not Give Up)
My Grandpa had an appointment with the specialist on Tuesday, and then yesterday Grandma called Mom to let her know what the doctor said... and then Mom called me, because I want to keep up with everything in regards to Grandpa right now.

Basically, the specialist says there's nothing they can do for him in regards to dealing with the cancer; it's in his lungs, liver, spleen, adrenal gland, and lymph system, and that's just what they know about as of now. There's a possibility it's spread to other organs/systems, too, and they just haven't found it yet.

Because the cancer is so widespread, they can't opperate to remove it, and radiation therapy won't do much; they offered chemo, but Grandpa refused because at this point, the best they can hope for from it would be remission in one or two of the systems, and the chances of even that are very low. He won't do something that will make him that sick...

So, the only thing the doctors can offer him is "comfort care"; pain meds when he needs them, oxygen when his lungs get really bad, and that kind of thing. Just things that will make him comfortable until the end.

The specialist thinks he'll have a couple of months at least, which surprised everyone... though with cancer there's really no telling, and considering how fast he's going downhill, it might be less than that. Or it might be more, for all we know... and it's the not knowing that's hard.

Mom and I were discussing it last night, and both of us expect there to come a time when Grandma can't handle everything anymore-- right now she's taking care of Grandpa full-time, plus maintaining the house, and their property, which is a couple of acres. And she's not sleeping because she's up most of the night keeping an eye on Grandpa.

She's wearing herself out really quickly, and we're both concerned about that. So eventually, one or both of us will probably end up heading up to stay with them and help out for a while.

But unfortunately, my grandparents are both very proud people, so it'll be when things get really bad before they agree to that...

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Sena

January 2013

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