senashenta: (Medical Cross)
My Doctor's office just called to tell me that the results of my ultrasound came in and yes, I definitely have NAFLD and I currently have mild inflammation. Okay. I can handle that. But then Lori told me that they couldn't diagnose me for the PCOS without the internal ultrasound that I refused to do, and I'm like... first? I was ALREADY diagnosed with PCOS TWENTY YEARS AGO, and second? WHEN I WAS DIAGNOSED BEFORE IT DIDN'T REQUIRE AN INTERNAL/VAGINAL ULTRASOUND?? WHY DOES IT REQUIRE THAT NOW, SUDDENLY??

Lori is just a receptionist passing on messages, so obviously she doesn't know, but I have to talk to Dr. K about that at my next appointment BECAUSE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. :|
senashenta: icon NOT up for grabs (Work On Your Damn Fic)
Well, with the bandaids on my BUTCHERED finger I can still type but it's a little more difficult, I misspell things and have to go back and fix them more often and that sort of thing. Also there is minor pain? But only minor, I can withstand it. Still can't work on jewelry, I don't think, but I might try tonight and see how it goes? The worst that happens is that I try and it's a no-go and I have to put it away again. I CAN still paint, though, which is good because I still have three-and-a-half Wiggly Foxes to finish up for Christmas. :D;;

BUT I can't do the WORMS for the axolotls, which I guess I should have thought of before I cut my finger to ribbons, so for now the boys are on a strictly pellets diet and are... grumpy. But still eating, so that's good at least. I think tonight I'm going to give them some bloodworms and hopefully that'll cheer them up again, at least temporarily.

In related news, there is something in the axolotl aquarium that is making a GLUG sound and that is not a sound you want from your 'lotl tank so I'll have to explore that later. Somehow without getting my mangled finger wet. I can see this going SWIMMINGLY.

I finished writing Wayward Daughters (#28) and IMMEDIATELY started into Halcyon Days (#29) instead of Temper Tantrums (#6) which is the next one I SHOULD be writing because OF COURSE I DID. But I just got into a MOOD with Wayward Daughters and that story carries on into Halcyon Days, so I just kind offffff... *shrug* I dunno. I really do need to get to Temper Tantrums, though, and then Hunting Souls, and then Shrike. I need to build up a larder so I have stuff to post after Storm Season is through so I have time to finish the rest of the one-shots. I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE CONCEPTUALIZING THIRTY OF THEM. THIRTY.

Speaking of Storm Season, though, I finally, since November is over and it's a THURSDAY!! posted the first chapter of it and it actually is doing pretty well so far. In the first 24 hours it's got 57 hits, 2 bookmarks, 6 kudos and 1 comment, which I KNOW doesn't sound like much but compared to Horror High's start it's STELLAR. The one comment was a person who said, basically, "I know you keep saying no one is reading this, but I love this series and look forward to every instalment." ...which was really nice. I know a FEW people are following the Horror High series, I just get so little feedback sometimes it SEEMS like no one does, you know?

This morning I had to be up super early and drink a ton of water because I had an ultrasound appointment at the hospital in regards to my PCOS and NAFLD. They wanted a full bladder ultrasound, an empty bladder ultrasound, and an INTERNAL ULTRASOUND?? I shut that down REAL quick. Dr. K knows better than to ask for those from me, it's not going to happen. I'll talk to her about it when I'm next in, I guess. Which reminds me, I need to go in for blood work before my next appointment as well.

I'm so sleepy today. All I want to do it lay down for a nap, but I have to start dinner prep in like 15 minutes so that's out of the question. I hate Fridays.
senashenta: (Dean OMFG OMFG OMFG)
Today my brother and sister and their families are over for a visit. My brother and (most of) his family live in Alberta, so this is their Christmas time visit, and my sister and sister-in-law came over as well my brother/family could do two visits in one, since they're only in Ontario for a short time and have a LOT of visits to make while they're here.

But that means ELEVEN PEOPLE PLUS ME (including a young child which are my Kryptonite) in our little living/dining room and my people-claustrophobia problem does not like this situation. Like WHOA doesn't like it. I managed to stick around for about 45 minutes, but then I had to finish my drink and bail before I had a panic attack because I could feel one coming on. Things were just to loud and frenetic and I couldn't handle it anymore.

My anxiety is really inconvenient at times, and especially now. I love each and every person downstairs right now, but I can't even handle my FAMILY all together at one time, and I know it's going to be like that at Family Christmas, too, especially with the way Grandma is now and my current feelings toward Uncle Alec and Aunt Brenda, and the fact that my OTHER Uncle and Aunt are bringing their LARGE, RAMBUNCTIOUS DOGS WITH THEM, so that will just amp things up even more.

The Holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, are TERRIBLE for me. The only one of the many Christmases that I enjoy is the one between me, Mom, Lee and my younger brother. And especially right now... I feel JUDGED, even though logically I know my family doesn't look at me that way. I feel like people look at me and are disgusted, just...

Over the last year I've gained 70 pounds, and at first I didn't know why. Now I know it's because of the NAFLD and the PCOS, but those conditions are causing me to be FAT and to have TERRIBLE acne, and I hate being around people because I feel like that's all they see. A fat disgusting pig. And I KNOW my family doesn't see me that way, but it FEELS like the entire WORLD sees me that way. I don't even like leaving the house anymore because of it.

I really need to talk to Dr. K (NOT Dr. L) the next time I go in and see what medications I can be put on to treat my PCOS (which they used to treat but stopped when I had my hysterectomy, for some reason) and potentially treat the symptoms of my NAFLD. I've already started the lifestyle and diet changes required for the NAFLD but I need HELP.

I also need a friend I can talk to about all this, but... well. We all know how well that's going.

Anyway, so for now I'm just hiding in my room and I guess I'll watch a movie and work on writing, or maybe have a nap because I'm so fucking emotionally exhausted.

Oh, or possibly make another bracelet, since I finished the first of the four my brother asked for for Christmas last night. (It turned out really cute, I'm quite pleased with it.)
senashenta: (Argh!)
As of yesterday afternoon, I've been tentatively diagnosed with Fatty Liver Disease, which is... not good. ANY liver disease is Not Good. I have an ultrasound to confirm how bad it is coming up in December. Like I needed something new to add to my fucking REPERTOIRE of shit that I've already got going. Might as well just lay down and die at this point. idk. Just seems like I was born to suffer from day one until the end. Sucks.

Anyway.

They also told me I showed signs of PCOS and I was like "...I was diagnosed with PCOS TWENTY YEARS AGO ALREADY." THEY just stopped TREATING IT when I had my hysterectomy, even though they left my ovaries in FOR SOME GODDAMNED REASON. *FACEPALM* Literally I have been a squeaky wheel about getting my PCOS treated ever since my hysterectomy because ??? It's not just gonna go away because you took the rest out??? And NOW they're going "GASP! WE THINK YOU HAVE PCOS!" Fucking... idiots.
senashenta: (I'm Only Acting Strong)
I called today and made an appointment with my doctor, and I'm going to talk with her again about having surgery to have the cysts on my ovaries removed. It really needs to be done, and I'd rather deal with recovery from the opperation than all of these symptoms for the rest of my life. Hopefully I can convince her this time. -___-;

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