senashenta | Entries tagged with my zombie

I should be working on writing, or at the very least EDITING, but I just CANNOT concentrate, which is a theme lately because my ADHD meds aren't doing their job anymore. I've built up a tolerance to my current dosage, so I need to get Dr. K to prescribe me a stronger one when I go in for my appointment next Thursday. I know it won't be a problem because I have a history and developing tolerances to my meds and needing them increased, usually several times until I reach a proper therapeutic level that my body accepts. By now Dr. K knows the drill, so she'll just ask a couple of questions and then send the 'script off to my pharmacy.

It's just been a long time waiting this time around because my Vyvanse stopped working properly in the first week (or so) of December and I've had to muddle through ever since then. Almost two months of static/bouncy ball brain again and I did NOT miss it. And Dr. K is NOT the kind of Doctor you can just call and make a next-day appointment for. You have to book your appointments MONTHS in advance to have any hope of seeing her. So. =/

I have managed to get a LITTLE writing done over the last couple months, though, as well as SOME editing, but not nearly enough. I was supposed to have all the post-Storm Season one-shots finished by the time I finished posting Storm Season itself, and I've only finished 7/20 and I just posted chapter 8/10 of Storm Season this morning. If I get on a better dose of Vyvanse, I might be able to write at least one one-shot a week after SS is done and keep up with my Thursday updating schedule, but I don't know. From where I'm sitting and how my brain is right now that feels like a lofty goal... but I also know how productive I can be when my ADHD meds are working properly, so I dunno. I guess we'll see.

In the meantime I've been watching a lot of shows and movies on the computer because that's where my brain is happiest when it's being all cat-scratchy, and I've watched all of the one whole season of Daybreak recently, which was entertaining but childish but I'm pretty sure it was aimed at teenagers. I also watched both seasons of Helix and LOVED THEM WHY DID THAT SHOW GET CANCELLED?? Then I watched the first season of Glitch, and couldn't decide if I liked it or not, so while I was figuring that out I watched In The Flesh and HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A FANTASTIC SHOW. WHY ARE ALL THE GREAT SHOWS CANCELLED AFTER A COUPLE SEASONS?? MORE IN THE FLESH NOW PLXKTHNX!! Aaaaaaand now I guess I'm going to try season 2 of Glitch and see if it does it for me or not. Honestly I still can't decide.

Oh, and I also watched some shark documentaries, and I have all of House M.D. and Fringe and the first four seasons of Fear The Walking Dead waiting in the wings. Ah! And the last season of AHS (Delicate) that I never got around to watching back when I was binging it in the spring!

So, yeah, just... watching SO MUCH TV. And that's not even counting the movies. But that's what I do when my brain feels disconnected from the rest of me, I just watch TV/movies and kind of half-focus on them because that's all I'm capable of. It's... frustrating. Because I know I should be working on things, getting things done, and also because my ADHD comes along with a RAGING 24/7 headache that no amount of painkillers will even TOUCH. I literally had a headache from 2013 until I went on the Vyvanse, so summer of 2024. ELEVEN YEARS OF A CONSTANT, POUNDING HEADACHE. And then it was miraculously gone when I started the ADHD meds. POOF! ...and now it's back and I DID NOT MISS IT.

.....

Also, I guess I have done a lot of brainstorming for various projects at least, but a lot of it is really disjointed and needs to be re-written so it makes more sense, though I'm sure there are some good ideas in there with the insane ramblings. Raps and everything about them for My Zombie is definitely good. I'm for sure going to be using that stuff. And some of the ideas for Endgame Girls, though some other ideas for Endgame Girls came from ADHD brain and it's OBVIOUS. :|

Unfortunately my ADHD started acting up like 3/4 of the way through writing TKA and since then TKA has just been sitting around collecting dust, with the exception of me writing a sentence and-and-there. I had hoped to have it finished and first-round edited by the end of December, but obviously that didn't happen. The plan was also to have started on my next Original Project by now, either Freefall or My Zombie, but again, obviously that didn't happen, though I think I have finally decided that I AM going to go with My Zombie next. Not that I don't have the storyline down for Freefall, but I have more character and world stuff fleshed out for My Zombie, and also My Zombie has been waiting around longer, so it should have it's chance.

Also pretty sure I'm going to be writing it in the 3rd person after all, even though all this time I thought it was going to be 1st person from Riley's POV. But I keep wavering on that, so I guess we'll see.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: N/A

Basically, what happened yesterday is, I punched in my last update that took me over the 50,000 word mark and the NaNo website rained confetti on me and my brain just... died. Like, it immediately fell asleep and even though I was sitting there planning on writing more because TKA isn't DONE, it just refused to cooperate. I think 50,000 words in 15 days was too much for my already OCD/ADHD/Bi-Polar riddled brain and it just needed to rest a while and take a break from TKA.

So last night I just kind of blearily watched some episodes of The Winchesters which I think I'm going to NOPE tf right out of after four episodes because they do not follow established SPN canon AT ALL for ANYTHING and I am not down with that. Also the lead actors playing John and Mary are not very good at their jobs and I don't like them. But mostly the canon stuff. If you're going to do a series BASED ON AN EXISTING SERIES maybe adhere to it's canon, yeah? Like. Fuck me. (I wish they'd done a SEQUEL instead of a PREQUEL.)

ANYWAY. Uhm, in Axolotl Town things are chugging along. Haku and Ryuu are settling in really well (Ryuu is more outgoing and Haku is more shy so far) and eating well, and Ryuu has pretty much taken over the big teracotta pot so I need to get another one of those for the other side of the tank next time I'm at the dollar store/have money. Kaida is... not a happy camper. He's doing a lot of hiding and sulking, but he's still eating so that's a good sign at least. He's just (very slowly) getting used to sharing his tank with other 'lotls again like when he was little(r.) But there's been no in-fighting or anything, to my knowledge, so I think it's going pretty well.

It's a (frustrating) constant game of Spot The Axolotl right now because they're in such a big tank with no many hidey spots. You can usually find Ryuu pretty easily, but Haku and Kaida? They vanish into the ether. It's like, I know they're IN THERE, but WHERE in there? A MYSTERY. (I have to deep clean the tank tonight so that'll get them all out in the open... ish... at least!)

Today I want to work on TKA some more because there's still SO FAR to go with it, but I'm not sure if my brain is up to writing quite yet. It still feels pretty mushy in my head this morning, even after a... well, it wasn't a GOOD night's sleep, I haven't been sleeping well lately, but it was a night's sleep of some kind at the very least. So I'm going to give it a go, but if I end up just staring blankly at the screen for an endless span of time instead I won't be like, SHOCKED.

After TKA is finished, I want to write Freefall, and maybe My Zombie. Both of those are pretty firmly stuck in my brain right now. And if all the word editors would stop telling me that "freefall" isn't a word that would be GREAT because FUCK YOU IT IS NOW I DECLARE IT, IT IS SO. I'm also going to be working on post-SS one-shots, of course, of which I am up to... 22? I believe? Since I added Stalactites (not to be confused with "Stalagmites" which is not longer a thing) and Dreamcatcher. So because my brain works in patterns of fives, I need at least three more or it'll drive me INSANE. But basically:

-STORM SEASON
-When Lightning Strikes (complete)
-Ghost In The Machine (complete)
-Pinfeathers (complete)
-Teeth
-Nightingale (complete)
-Temper Tantrums
-Hunting Souls
-Shrike
-Echoes
-Day Drinking
-Mockingbird
-Crawlspace
-Kindling
-What Angels Dream
-Run. Hide. Die.
-Hollow Things
-The Desert Tide
-Sudden Cardiac Arrest
-Stalactites
-Dreamcatcher
-
-
-
-Halcyon Days
-Serendipity

Yeah this entire series got completely out of control on me and I have no idea what happened but I'm not really COMPLAINING I'm just like... yikes. :| Especially since I'm just writing them basically for myself, the whole HH et al series doesn't have much of a following AT ALL. (There are a handful of people who do follow it, though, and I love every one of them!)

idk maybe I'll work on some SPN stuff this morning instead of TKA just for a change of pace. Maybe my brain would like that more?

Anyhoo, this afternoon/evening I want to make some cookies from the recipe I (FINALLY) got off Lois, since Lee picked up mini chocolate chips when he did groceries yesterday and I'm pretty sure we have all the rest of the stuff for it, oats, unsweetened coconut, flour, eggs, etc. I am SO JAZZED to have this recipe FINALLY after DECADES of asking for it. She kept it really under wraps for a long time, but I guess she's getting older now so she figures why not? I dunno. Either way, COOKIES TONIGHT.

...I have a cough. I've had it for months, but it's been getting worse lately. I think it's a side-effect of my Breztri inhaler, which doesn't even work for me anyway so why am I taking it?? I'm so freaking TIRED of my lungs getting worse and worse and not being able to breathe, and then all the tests coming back that there's nothing wrong with them. It's been like that since 2019 and the first time I had Covid. I just want to be able to BREATHE again, is that so much to ask? Then again, there's a lot of things about my health that are JACKED and I would like to have go away/get fixed but it doesn't look like it's going to happen any time soon. My liver and the NAFLD situation are just the newest in a long line of bullshit.

And finally. Poe is back up on Insta again, and posting about a short film that's being made from one of their short stories, they seem excited and I'm SO proud of them. They deserve nice, good things in their life like that. I really hope it works out for them and turns out good. It's nice to be happy for them for a change.

Current Mood: mentally exhausted
Current Music: N/A

I am considering changing Tatsuya's name to just Ryuu which is super obvious, yes, but I like it much better than "Tatsuya" for some reason, so I'm going to ponder that for a while and decide by the end of the day. Also Haku is the one with the PLETHORA of light spots on the top/tip of his tail, and Tatsuya/Ryuu is the one with a darker tail literally they are basically identical I'M DOING MY BEST HERE.

Anyway, yesterday Mom and I headed to Elmvale, which is about an hour away (give or take) to pick up Kaida's brothers. I was buying one, but the lady asked, since I have such a huge tank, if I might be willing to take a third one as well, if she didn't charge me for it? Apparently she was having a hell of a time finding PROPER homes for them and felt really good sending them home with me, so I said sure, which is why I ended up with two yesterday and not just the one I'd originally intended.

NO REGRETS!! ...except I have to figure out how much to feed them, now that there's three of them? Though Kaida is still sulky so he didn't eat this morning. I'm not worried, though, give him a couple days and he'll get used to the New Normal and everything will be fine again. I definitely need to buy some more axolotl pellets at the end of the month, though. Also nightcrawlers. Blegh. :|

When I fed Kaida that worm a few days back AND SWORE OFF WORMS UNTIL THEY COULD EAT THEM WHOLE but then changed my mind about that, Kaida ate 3/4 of the worm, so they're very close to being able to just eat whole worms. Maybe another two or three months just to be sure? If Kaida is anything to go by, they grow like bad weeds, so they'll be big enough for full worms in no time AND THEN I WON'T HAVE TO CUT APART LIVING ANIMALS ANYMORE AHAHA!! /SOB

Um.

Writing-wise, I am BLOWING through TKA, but it's going to end up WAY longer than I originally speculated. I'm currently sitting at 77 pages and 37,532 words on the 13th of the month (and I'm hoping to get another 2,500 written later today), so I'm going to get to 50,000 words way before the NaNo is over, but like... almost NOTHING that I originally planned to put in TKA is actually IN TKA yet, I still have SO MUCH to write. I've written 77 pages and 90% of that is extra stuff that just CAME TO ME as I was typing. It's DEFINITELY going to be AT LEAST 80,000 words, if not more.

This is both exciting and terrifying because finishing TKA leads to EDITING TKA, which leads to FINDING AN AGENT for TKA and (hopefully) getting TKA published. And that is like... my ENTIRE UNIVERSE for AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER had revolved around wanting to finish a book and get it published and I just COULD NOT DO IT BEFORE. So NOW I'm kind of... anxious about it, which is stupid, but I'm excited, too, which I guess is LESS STUPID, assuming I can even get an agent and get published to begin with. I don't even know where to START with that stuff. :| Poe was supposed to be introducing me to THEIR agent, but... yeah. Not so much, anymore. idk.

But technically I've already completed two books with Horror High and Storm Season, so it's totally doable, I just have to do it with original characters and concepts that I won't get yelled at over copyright on lol. TKA is doing nicely, and then after that I'm going to work on Freefall and/or My Zombie, and of course a bunch of fanfiction stuff at the same time. I think I might work on What Angels Dream for a little bit today, actually.

First I need to have a nap, though, which I am off to do riiiiiiiight about now. =.=

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: N/A

Today I did basically nothing for most of the day because I'm so sore from hauling boxes up and down the stairs at Dad's place yesterday. I slept until my alarm (for once) and then after I'd been up for a couple hours I was like "fuck it" and went back to sleep again for like three more hours. My legs are killing me, like going up and down the stairs is a CHORE and my back keeps seizing up at random intervals.

I downloaded last week's episode of Brilliant Minds and it was SO GOOD. I cried. And then Dr. Wolf kissed the Neurosurgeon whose name I can never remember and I was just going CALLED IT because I knew a few episodes as soon as they offhand mentioned that the Neurosurgeon was bi. The one thing that bothers me about Brilliant Minds is that every second character is gay, and normally I LOVE LGBTQA+ representation in my media, but Brilliant Minds is really going overboard with it sometimes. But I wonder if that's part of the point of the show.

I also downloaded The Crazies (2010) because I haven't watched it in FOREVER and I had the urge to. Also my copy is in storage right now, so I have no access to it. It like... borders on being a zombie movie without ACTUALLY being a zombie movie, you know? At some point I should watch the original The Crazies, actually...

Tonight I like deep-cleaned the axolotl tank to make it nice for the new additions tomorrow. Though I'm not looking forward to the drive, I'm definitely looking forward to picking up my two new 'lotls. But right now Kaida is mad at me because I took everything out of the tank to clean the hides and suction the aquarium, so he's just being a grumpy 'lotl. It's actually pretty cute.

Mostly, though, today I've just been working on writing. I'm up to 69 pages and 33,093 words on TKA, so I'm WAY ahead of the game for the 50,000 word goal of the NaNo, but we'll see how much I actually manage to get done before the end of the month. I'm writing on average approximately 3,008 words a day, which is fantastic, but I'm also working on other things at the same time. Today I wrote 2,227 words on Echoes (mostly Destiel smut), and I officially have Freefall open in Word right now, too. I wrote the ending of Freefall the other day, the first thing I wrote for it, so it's like. Sure, why not?

Also everything yells at me that "Freefall" isn't one word but FUCK YOU SPELLING PROGRAMS I'M USING IT AS ONE WORD ANYWAY. Literally it's just the title, I don't think I'll even end up using it in the novel itself, so whatever. But after I finish TKA I want to work on Freefall and My Zombie because those are the two that have the most development for them, really, so it makes sense.

I also want to work on the Storm Season fics (THERE ARE SO MANY) and Where Monsters Come From, too, of course. And more SPN Witcher AU. And I want to get back into my Valdemar stuff, finish up some of the fics that've been dormant for a while. Marionette. Brothers At Arms. Of The Deepest Dye. That kind of thing. And, naturally, I want to write a House M.D./Brilliant Minds crossover because the idea of House and Wolf in the same room just TICKLES ME. That sort of thing.

But I need to keep in mind, when I do finish and edit TKA, that if I manage to get an agent and sell the book, I could potentially be looking at writing the whole TKA series, which is 10 books long. The second one is Pelts For Pounds, and then the third is called Grimoire, etc. They all have titles, characters and plots but need more work before they're ready to be written.

Anyway.

Plotting and planning, plotting and planning.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: N/A: "The Crazies" on Riptide