Sena's DW :: Watermelon Life

I should be working on Absolute Devotion, and I DID for a while this morning, until my hands started shaking and making typing very frustrating to say the least. I'm doing okay typing THIS because I'm going really, really slowly, but if I tried to work on Absolute Devotion at this pace I would drive myself batty. My creative brain works too fast for that. =/

So.

I guess what's happening is that Dad is just going to pay for a storage unit for me, but starting next spring just before my time limit runs out with Aunt Brenda and Uncle Alec because he doesn't see the point in PAYING for storage for almost a year when I could be getting it for free. (Also he just wants to dick around with Aunt Brenda and Uncle Alec because of how they've been treating me.)

Dad also says that hopefully I'll get a place through the subsidized housing people between now and then, and maybe the storage unit won't be necessary at all, but I'm not holding my breath on that one. I've been on the list for like 5 or 6 years now and when I emailed them a few months ago they wouldn't even tell me where I was on the list. So, yeah. Don't have real high hopes there. Which sucks because it means I'm fucking stuck here, but there's nothing I can do about it so I just have to suck it up.

Anyway.

Lois had her hip replacement surgery a couple of days ago and apparently everything is going really well so far. Dad took some time off work to take care of her/the house/the dogs but he says if it wasn't for the dogs he probably could have just kept going to work. As it is, Lois' grandson, Connor, is staying with them right now so he's supposed to be helping out as well, but apparently he's absolutely useless and all he does is eat things that aren't his to eat, get high, and bitch when they ask him to do something. I'm not surprised, though, his mother was always a useless twat too, so he probably gets it from her. The reason Connor is even staying with them right now is because this past winter his mother pissed away all her money and didn't bother paying the rent, so as soon as spring hit they were kicked out.

But they're doing alright, even dealing with Connor's bullshit, and Lois is healing up really well. I'm sure she'll be recovered in no time, and feeling better than she has in a LONG TIME. I think she still needs to have her other hip done as well, but I could be wrong? I should ask Dad about that next time I talk to him. I like to keep up-to-date on things like that, I love both him AND Lois will all my lil heart.

...

My feet/ankles/legs have been swelling up REALLY badly lately, particularly the right one. I've had to start wearing my compression socks again, but everything is so swollen the socks are actually causing BRUISING, at least to my right leg anyway. I wake up in the morning and everything feels okay, and I spend from 8am to around 11am or 11:30am sitting, working at my computer, mostly writing (except when I feed the cats at 9am) and things seem mostly fine, but as soon as I actually get UP, go and SHOWER and GET DRESSED? My legs start to swell. Some days are worse than others. Yesterday was a better one, the pain was less, but a couple of days ago I had a day where I could barely WALK. I need a Chi Energizer or a Dr. Ho's Circulation Booster or something like that, I think, but all those kinds of things cost HUNDREDS of dollars that I DO NOT HAVE. I'm going to talk to Dr. K about it at my upcoming appointment. She'll probably recommend exorcises I can't do because of my joints and supplements I can't afford because ODSP. Sigh.

In other news, my back is still fucked just because it's MY BACK, but my ribs are getting better bit-by-bit. They still hurt if I strain them or cough too hard, but it's a process. The other day, Mom mentioned wanting her cedar chest back, because right now the new tank for the axolotls is sitting on it (and has been for like over two months now) and told me I needed to work toward getting that done. And I'm kind of like. I have four broken bones in my chest PLUS whatever the fuck is going on with my legs, it's not as if I can just magically FIX those problems. I CAN'T lift and carry heavy things, so I CAN'T empty/bail the existing tank, I CAN'T swap the tanks out, and I CAN'T lift the buckets of water to FILL THE NEW TANK. I could do things like scrub the hides and swap out the filter cartridges and things like that, but water is SUPER HEAVY and so are the TANKS and I just... I don't know what she wants from me. I don't have Wolverine healing. Anyway, to placate her I said I'd at least get the support boards painted in the basement, but even that I can't do sitting on the floor and leaning over, so I'm going to have to cover the puzzle table with dropcloths and work from there, I guess. =/

The problem is... almost two years ago, Mom and I both got sick and then that illness (Covid) went to our lungs, causing pneumonia. While we both had pneumonia, Mom actually had it worse, and she broke 4 or 5 (I can't remember which) ribs, just coughing, the same as I just did last month. BUT. When SHE broke her ribs she didn't have any lingering PAIN from them. There was the pain of the initial break and then she was FUCKING FINE, with the exception that she couldn't sleep in certain positions. Dr. K told her at the time that this was REALLY UNUSUAL and that she was REALLY LUCKY. I was NOT that lucky. My ribs continue to ache and do the stabby pain thing when I twist wrong or bend over or try to lift things. But Mom doesn't have that kind of experience to compare it to, so she's getting impatient and I think she might think I'm faking it at this point, which sucks. And I just. I don't know what to do about the situation.

I guess I should just be happy that she's still helping me with the cat litters, at the very least.

The last time I saw Dr. K she got me to try a couple of new supplements, and one of them, Berberine, was to help with weight loss. Because it's an OTC supplement I don't expect results for a long time, but it's supposed to boost metabolism, I guess, and I HAVE noticed that I've been hungrier lately, which is... counter-productive to the weight loss goal. I've also been having trouble with my hands shaking like they are this morning, and I greatly fear that the Berberine is the cause, since I'm not on any other new drugs/supplements so it's really the only thing that could be causing it, either in itself or in a reaction with something else I'm currently on. So, I don't know. I'm going to give it a little longer and if my hands don't start evening out or start getting worse, I'm going to have to go off of it and see if THAT clears up the shaking. It's frustrating.

And there are like 5 other supplements that she wants me to be on as well, for my lungs mostly, that I'm just NOT ON because I priced them out and I CAN'T AFFORD THEM. They are all OTC stuff and ODSP doesn't COVER or ALLOW FOR OTC STUFF. I already spend probably $250/month on meds from Costco and the Walmart pharmacy just to keep me going, and that is a HUGE chunk out of my monthly allowance. The Berberine alone costs $30/bottle, so I'm like... fine. My weight is so out of control I don't even recognize myself anymore, so I'll eat the cost of the Berberine in the FAINT hope that it'll help. But I can't afford the rest. Sorry, Dr. K.

Other than that... I watched Final Destination: Bloodlines once on Saturday and then again yesterday (because I got distracted by other things during the last half hour of the movie on my first watch-through) and I actually really liked it. I think it fits in really well with the other FD movies and the kills were solid and creative. My only big complaint was how long the opening "premonition" was, it was MUCH longer than the premonitions in any of the other movies, or at least it seemed to be. I literally kept checking the clock on my computer when it dragged on because I was starting to lose patience. >>;;

ALSO NEW HTTYD MOVIE NEXT MONTH HELL YEAH!! <33

I keep coughing, and it's been a couple days since I broke that last rib so it doesn't hurt QUITE as much to cough (sneezing is still a BITCH though), but every time I cough I'm afraid I'm going to break another rib because a) my track record this past month and b) I can feel a spot in one of my other ribs that's really straining and trying to give. So, I'm just like... no, please. Four broken ribs is MORE than enough. :|

I have a couple more days before Mom is going to make me start doing the cat litter and everything on my own again, but I think tonight I'm going to offer to (try to) help, just as a gesture of goodwill. I'm not sure if I can do it, but if she sees me trying at least maybe she'll understand that I'm not doing this on fucking PURPOSE.

Still going to talk to Dr. K about osteoporosis and getting a bone scan when I go in to see her next.

ANYWAY.

Um. I finished Say Something the day before yesterday and it came in at 36 pages and 17,390 words which means it's BY FAR not the longest HH or SS one-shot (I'm looking at YOU, Endling) but it's still a respectable length. I'm pleased with how it came out, and it's actually more angsty than porny, so there are only three smut scenes in it unlike most of the rest of the post-HH stuff haha.

Right now I'm working on Southern Hospitality, which I think IS going to be as smutty as the other post-HH stuff but what else is new, right? The setting is quite different, though, and there are some really cute plot points in it that I'm looking forward to writing in. Cookies. Dean cooking. Taking care of backyard chickens. Making love on a legit bearskin rug by the fireplace. That sort of thing.

I also dug out (read as: opened in Word, there wasn't much actual "digging" required) a couple of my Valdemar one-shots to tinker with again, and right now the one I'm mostly focused on is called Highwater, which is relatively new. After that I might work on Graceless. But I also have Not Horses, Wander and Sweet Like Candy kind of queued up for later.

The funny thing is that my goal for my HH/SS SPN fics is always 13,500 words and I (almost) always go over that by a fair margin, but my goal for my Valdemar fics? 5,000 words. Yeah. I mean, if I go over that they YAY but that's my base goal for Valdemar one-shots and chapters of Valdemar fics (except for Marionette, it has much longer chapters than that.) I just... I've never written long Valdemar stuff, so I don't want to set the bar too high and then be disappointed when I don't reach it. So, I set the bar lower and hope to go over it instead. Make sense?

Mom thinks I'm underestimating myself, though. She says I've grown as an author and a writer a LOT over the last few years, and especially since I went onto the ADHD meds, and I should have more faith in myself. And it's not that I don't WANT to have faith in myself, I know my writing is better, longer, more in-depth, I just want to be realistic, I guess.

Speaking of writing and Word, though, my subscription has lapsed and the Word people keep sending me notices about it. It's only a matter of time before they cut off my services, but I can't do anything about fixing it until my Carbon Rebate comes in and I have no idea when that will be. Hopefully they won't cut me off before then. (Maybe I can start saving my writing in Drive so I can work on it there just in case until I get this whole situation worked out.)

It was much easier when I was working and had a paycheck coming in every two weeks on top of my ODSP money, but I'm to the point physically AND mentally that I CAN'T work anymore, especially at the places that would hire me, like fast food franchises and that kind of thing. :|

So, I said I was going to take a step back from Horror High and Storm Season to work on other stuff too... and then immediately invented like eight more post-HH fics and reinstated all the post-SS ones that I had originally scrapped, as well as inventing a couple of new ones (Coulrophobia & Baobhan Sith) so now I'm well and truly fucked BUT.

At the same time, in the last week I've finished four of the post-SS ones (most of which were LONG) and gotten a good start on a couple more, so I guess my brain just can't let it go yet. Dr. K warned me this might happen when I went on the ADHD meds, they like hyperfocus you but not always on what you WANT or NEED to hyperfocus on. I should be working on TKA. :| Oh well.

Anyway, so I've finished Hunting Souls, finally, and it came in at 34 pages and 15,094 words, but I hate the ending which is why I created the Baobhan Sith (I have to watch SPN 6.04 again before I can write that one) fic so help explain it, and when I edit it I'm going to re-work it a little bit, too. The problem is that with this being an AU universe, I have to explain what parts of it are still true to canon and what parts of it DEVIATE from canon and why, and the ending of Hunting Souls DEFINITELY deviates. It's fine, though, I'll work it out.

Then I also finished Echoes, which came in at 38 pages and 18,327 words, but again, needs to be edited, so the word count will change slightly as I do that. I'm pretty happy with how Echoes came out, even if it IS rather needlessly smutty, but it harkens back to the post-HH fics and THEY'RE all needlessly smutty, so I guess it makes sense haha.

I also finished Endling, which came in at a WHOPPING 50 PAGES AND 23,766 WORDS LIKE WTF ENDLING, and I'm generally happy with how it came out but I still have to edit it (so much editing in my immediate future UGH) and when I edit it I'm sure a few small things will change here-and-there. *shrug*

And finally, just yesterday I finished Fetters, which clocked in at a respectable 36 pages and 17,084 words, but is generally just a HOT MESS and needs SO MUCH EDITING. I do like the fic IN GENERAL and I have kind of a soft spot for Kindle, but it needs some WORK before it'll be ready to be posted. Luckily it's like fifth down the line for being posted so I have some time...

I skipped over Supply And Demand to finish Fetters because I got a bit into it and my brain just quit on me, but I'll have to get back to Supply And Demand soon-ish. And I'm currently working on the beginnings of two new post-HH fics, Southern Hospitality and Say Something, but I'm only like three pages into each of them so they don't really count yet.

I spent a while yesterday making and re-making covers for some fics and projects because I obsess over that, and now I need to update my Horror High and Storm Season binders, but I'm an an impasse with the Horror High one in that it is already full to bursting and I have to add more stuff to it, so on Wednesday when I go out to do my monthly shop (depending on how I feel), I need to buy another 3" white binder to expand my Horror High binders into two, and a second one to expand my Storm Season binders into three, because let's face it there are already 33 post-SS one shots, and each binder can hold about 10 to 11, so the two that I'm already using just aren't going to cut it. :P

I also need (another) new Endgame Girls binder, this time in green, because my brain is weird and it's hard to explain and my first Endgame Girls binder is now a Chaser binder, and the second one is now an Invincible In The Apocalypse binder, so, yeah. BACK TO STAPLES I GO.

And all these project binders of course need a HOME, but Mom said I could put another set of shelves in Jessie's room, so I'm buying those on Wednesday as well and then I just have to wait for my ribs to heal enough to haul the CURRENT shelves around to make room for the new ones. It's going to be a Job with a capital "J", but it needs to be done, and Canadian Tires has their plastic utility shelves on sale right now (or at least they were when I checked a couple days ago) so I mean. If I can save ten bucks I'll save ten bucks. *shrug*

So. Writing-wise that's about it for now, but I figure that's enough all things considered. I'm still sick and trying to recover so the only things I have the energy to do at all, really, are work on writing and watch movies/TV, and sometimes not even that. Yesterday I did a couple of small chores around my room (moving some binders, putting laundry away, putting my backpack away) and it ABSOLUTELY wiped me out. I still need a nap every afternoon just to make it through the day. I still can't breathe; I'm still coughing; my ribs are still broken (and will be for some time, obviously.) I have a ways to go.

Oh, and also, Mom talked to Uncle Alec about me possibly paying him and Aunt Brenda a small amount in rent each month to be able to maintain use of the shed (I can only afford like $150/month but it's SOMETHING) and the answer was a CATEGORICAL "NO", so I was just fucking back to where I started, with all my stuff being literally taken to the dump when the clock ran down next spring and them having the gall to CHARGE me $100 for each load.

But I talked to Dad and asked him if Lois would be amenable to me maybe putting up a shed somewhere on HER property and storing my stuff THERE until I finally make it to the top of the FUCKING SUBSIDIZED HOUSING LIST, and then when I move my things out again she can have use of the shed, obviously. Anyway, Dad called me back the next night and said it was fine with Lois, so he's going to figure out the best placement for a shed of the size we need and try to source a prefab one because I certainly can't build a fucking shed and while HE has the technical know how, his health pretty much prevents it at this point in time. I mean he's 65 with a heart condition and a back that is FUCKED, so.

He's going to get back to me. The only question now is how I'm going to PAY for the shed, or the moving truck to get my things from Baysville all the way down to freaking GEORGETOWN. So, it's going to come down to money (again), as it always does, of which I have... none. :|