Borderline Personality Disorder et al
Jun. 18th, 2025 03:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
senashentaMom and I were talking today and she reminded me of something.
About seven or eight years ago I was hospitalized for being suicidal (if they only knew what I'd been through since then...) and spent a couple of days in lock-up where they took away most of my things, the things that helped me get through the day, and stuck me in a room with a woman who thought she needed to know ALL of my business when I just wanted to be left alone. Sufficed to say it was not a good time, and did not help my suicidal ideations, though I eventually told them I was feeling better just to get the fuck out of there. I've always been good at faking it.
And interesting thing that happened while I was there, though, was that they gave me a bunch of different personality tests, and they came back that I was ONE POINT OFF from having Borderline Personality Disorder. Which. I mean. Probably explains a few things. And apparently, BPD and Bi-Polar Disorder can be mistaken for each other, or you can have both, they often go hand-in-hand, so it's entirely possible that I actually have both, at least to some degree.
When I read about BPD I feel like I'm reading about myself, mostly, but it's the same with Bi-Polar Disorder. I think my brain is just so messed up there's no telling what my problems really are anymore. But it would explain a lot, like I said. My tendency to self-destruct friendships, the fact that I literally could give a lesser shit if Lee ever comes home from the hospital, that kind of stuff. I dunno. Just something to think about, I guess.
About seven or eight years ago I was hospitalized for being suicidal (if they only knew what I'd been through since then...) and spent a couple of days in lock-up where they took away most of my things, the things that helped me get through the day, and stuck me in a room with a woman who thought she needed to know ALL of my business when I just wanted to be left alone. Sufficed to say it was not a good time, and did not help my suicidal ideations, though I eventually told them I was feeling better just to get the fuck out of there. I've always been good at faking it.
And interesting thing that happened while I was there, though, was that they gave me a bunch of different personality tests, and they came back that I was ONE POINT OFF from having Borderline Personality Disorder. Which. I mean. Probably explains a few things. And apparently, BPD and Bi-Polar Disorder can be mistaken for each other, or you can have both, they often go hand-in-hand, so it's entirely possible that I actually have both, at least to some degree.
When I read about BPD I feel like I'm reading about myself, mostly, but it's the same with Bi-Polar Disorder. I think my brain is just so messed up there's no telling what my problems really are anymore. But it would explain a lot, like I said. My tendency to self-destruct friendships, the fact that I literally could give a lesser shit if Lee ever comes home from the hospital, that kind of stuff. I dunno. Just something to think about, I guess.
