A couple of days ago I somehow ROYALLY buggered up my knee, and basically my whole left leg from the knee down hurt like FUCK, but especially the top of my foot for some reason? And only when I walked, when I STEPPED DOWN and put pressure on my leg. It wasn't sensitive to the touch or anything, it just hurt like fuck to WALK. And I was like, cool, you know, sounds like a plan, body, what else have you got for me? Luckily it only lasted a couple days, and this morning it's (mostly) back to normal with just some minor pain when I walk, which I hope will be completely gone in another day or two.
Next week Mom and I have to go back to the house in Baysville to haul furniture and boxes some more, and I think Mom plans to go twice in the week so that's going to suck but I guess it needs done so LET'S DO IT. It's just hard because of my back/hips/knees/wrists/hands/lungs BASICALLY MY WHOLE BODY, hauling heavy stuff up flights of stairs is like torture. But we have to get as much of it out to the garage as possible so that I know what's left to go to Dad's for storage there, since storage units are like $500/month now and I CANNOT afford that. :|
Last week when we were there we discovered that the mice that Grandma allowed to run rampant in the house for years had gotten into my couch and love seat so I had to throw those away. I have a chair down there still that I have to inspect but my hopes are not high for it, which SUCKS because it's the best chair EVER.
I have a lot of regrets in my life, but moving out of my last apartment and in with Grandma is one of the biggest ones. I was having mental health crises in that apartment, but if I had just stuck it out and gotten on the right meds it would have worked out and I could have stayed there. Then my stuff wouldn't be destroyed and I would have my own apartment, still. But I guess there's nothing I can do about it now, except wait for the subsidized housing people to get to me on the list, preferably some time this DECADE.
It's been twenty days since Poe last emailed me, other than to tell me that they couldn't email me for a while because of the whole mentioning TW thing. Sometimes I feel like our crazies match up, and other times I feel like they just look for excuses not to talk to me. I'm starting to wonder if we just weren't meant to be friends after all, considering all that's happened, even though we're basically the same person. I want to send them some Juna pics to cheer them up, but I don't know if that's allowed. I just don't know anymore. I just want them to be happy.
I still haven't gotten the wiggly foxes up on Etsy even though I said I was going to. I looked at the pictures I had taken and decided that I needed more of them, but then I've been procrastinating over actually DOING to pics, because I always do that, so they're just sitting here, staring at me.
I think I'm depressed right now and my motivation is just... not there for most things. I should be making candles, too, but I just... meh. I dunno, maybe I'll get out my candle stuff so I can make a couple later in the day when Jessie's room is closed up (that's where all my candle supplies are stored.) I really want to check the Dollarama for more of the super pretty Thanksgiving mugs to make into candles but I had to buy printer ink with my Trillium Benefit so I'm broke now until the end of the month unless I take money out of my jar again, which I shouldn't. Sucks.
I started writing three more Hijack one-shots last night, Switch, Paris and Violets Are Blue, all of which are Chemistry side-stories. I'm really enjoying writing Hijack in-and-around my SPN stuff lately, it's nice to get my head out of the Destiel for a while on occasion. I mean, I'm still working on Storm Season and When Lightning Strikes at the same time, and I also write a couple of blurbs for The House this morning, but, you know, variety is the spice of life and all that.
I really do want to write something for Valdemar soon, too. Maybe I'll finish Not Horses or Wander, or possibly Knowing? I don't know, I always have SO MANY Valdemar one-shot ideas it's hard to narrow it down to just one to work on. I'll figure it out, though.
Writing seems to be one thing I can still focus on despite the depression creeping back in, and I'm sure that's because of the ADHD meds. I think without them everything would just be me laying around thinking about the sweet embrace of death (again) and just generally being horrible. At least with the writing it gives me something to focus on and keep my mind of the CRUSHING DESPAIR, for part of the day, at least.
My Amazon cart currently has $145.09 worth of stuff in it, but to be fair there are 4 DVDs (Abigail, The Mitchell's VS The Machines, Sting & Kung Fu Panda 4) and two things of Halloween candy for next month, so it makes sense that it's that expensive. I can't pay for it until the 30th, and even then I might have to defer some of the stuff until my other government payments come in around the 15th of October. I also need to mail Poe's parcel when those come in, and the TINY PACKAGE is going to cost me like $118CAD WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK.
Literally I remember mailing SUBSTANTIAL parcels to the UK back in the day and it costing me like $38CAD to do it, I have no freaking idea why everything is so much more expensive nowadays. INFLATION, MAN.
P.S. I did manage to get about 3 hours of sleep last night after all. I am freaking exhausted, obviously. Going to go get candle stuff and then have a nap, I think. Hopefully I can sleep for real this time. *fingers crossed*
EDIT: Also, Mercedes Lackey is running another kickstarter type thing for a deluxe leather-bound book of like 30 of her short stories and I want it SO BAD but it's $100USD and it ends in like 15 days so WAY before I'll have the money to pay for it. I hate when people run kickstarters (etc.) for really short periods of time, it means people like me who have to scrape together the money get left in the lurch. :(
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