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The Language Of Gift Giving
Jul. 20th, 2024 11:32 amGift giving is my love language. When I adore someone, genuinely, I want to buy them things and give them things, not just at birthdays and Christmas, but just all year around, whenever I see something that makes me think of them, that I think they would like.
I really try to curb this compulsion for the most part, mostly because I can't afford to be constantly buying all kinds of stuff for other people, but I got really bad about it with Chelsea, and then later with Poe. It was hard to juggle it with Chelsea, financially, but at least with Poe it was during the time I was working part-time, so I had a little extra money to work with.
But.
I think while this helps supply an emotional need IN ME, I don't always consider the other person involved. I recently learned that Poe was having a really hard time, especially with Birthmas and BIJ, both financially and in finding ROOM for all the things I was sending them. And when I send gifts, it's not like I expect gifts in return, that's never the case, but I think Poe might have felt obligated in some way to return the gesture, and... it just got out of control. It spiraled.
I need to remember that not everyone has the room for so much STUFF, nor the propensity to happily live in clutter like I do. (Not MESS, everything is neatly organized and perfectly clean, just CLUTTER.) I mean, I thrive in clutter, and bare shelves and walls drive me crazy. They make my brain itch. Mom is a minimalist with decorating and knickknacks and it's FRUSTRATING.
But like I said... with people like Mom or Poe, I really need to keep in mind that they don't WANT all the STUFF, even if it is given out of kindness and generosity, you know? I need to pick my battles, when it comes to my gift giving.
This is one of the things that was weighing on Poe when they eventually blew up at me, I guess, though I obviously didn't know it at the time. I still just wish we could have talked everything out instead of them blasting me with that card and ghosting me completely. It still hurts, even though we're talking again now (even if just over email.)
We have a rule that I imposed that we only email each other once a day, so that I don't get overwhelming to them again. I'm trying very hard not to make the same mistakes twice. But it somewhat feels like walking on eggshells at times. It's still hard. Here's hoping it gets easier with time.
I'm also falling into the gift giving thing with Grandma lately, with all the books I've been finding/buying for her. I really need to stop but it's difficult because it's second-nature to me to do it...
I really try to curb this compulsion for the most part, mostly because I can't afford to be constantly buying all kinds of stuff for other people, but I got really bad about it with Chelsea, and then later with Poe. It was hard to juggle it with Chelsea, financially, but at least with Poe it was during the time I was working part-time, so I had a little extra money to work with.
But.
I think while this helps supply an emotional need IN ME, I don't always consider the other person involved. I recently learned that Poe was having a really hard time, especially with Birthmas and BIJ, both financially and in finding ROOM for all the things I was sending them. And when I send gifts, it's not like I expect gifts in return, that's never the case, but I think Poe might have felt obligated in some way to return the gesture, and... it just got out of control. It spiraled.
I need to remember that not everyone has the room for so much STUFF, nor the propensity to happily live in clutter like I do. (Not MESS, everything is neatly organized and perfectly clean, just CLUTTER.) I mean, I thrive in clutter, and bare shelves and walls drive me crazy. They make my brain itch. Mom is a minimalist with decorating and knickknacks and it's FRUSTRATING.
But like I said... with people like Mom or Poe, I really need to keep in mind that they don't WANT all the STUFF, even if it is given out of kindness and generosity, you know? I need to pick my battles, when it comes to my gift giving.
This is one of the things that was weighing on Poe when they eventually blew up at me, I guess, though I obviously didn't know it at the time. I still just wish we could have talked everything out instead of them blasting me with that card and ghosting me completely. It still hurts, even though we're talking again now (even if just over email.)
We have a rule that I imposed that we only email each other once a day, so that I don't get overwhelming to them again. I'm trying very hard not to make the same mistakes twice. But it somewhat feels like walking on eggshells at times. It's still hard. Here's hoping it gets easier with time.
I'm also falling into the gift giving thing with Grandma lately, with all the books I've been finding/buying for her. I really need to stop but it's difficult because it's second-nature to me to do it...
