More Poe Stuff
May. 25th, 2024 12:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
senashentaI think the reason I'm having so much trouble moving past Poe and everything that happened in January is that I never got any real closure with the whole thing.
Poe just ghosted me, completely out of the blue, just days after what I thought had been a really good Birthmas and "hoped I'd get the hint" as they later told me, when my panicked flailing forced them to send me a card "explaining" what was going on.
But how was I supposed to magically get the hint? I'd never been ghosted before, and that aside, as far as I knew everything was GOOD between Poe and I. They never even gave me a CLUE that something was wrong or any chance to fix it. So why would I assume they were ditching me if everything was good? That's not something best friends do to each other. It never even crossed my mind that they were ghosting me, that they would do something so cruel to me. I thought something had HAPPENED to them and they COULDN'T contact me for some reason.
When they finally sent me a card with an "explanation", AFTER I had already had a literal minor heart attack because of the stress of the entire thing, all they told me was that they found me "very uncomfortable" to be around and that it was frustrating watching me get nowhere in my work on TKA, and that their Mum had been pushing for them to break away from me for some time. (WHAT DID I EVER DO TO THEIR MUM??) THAT IS NOT AN EXPLANATION.
WHAT DID I DO?? WHAT DID I NOT DO?? WHAT DID I SAY?? WHAT DID I NOT SAY??
They gave me NOTHING beyond "don't contact me or my family again."
So I've spent the last four months analyzing and re-analyzing and OVER-ANALYZING all of our interactions and conversations, trying to find CLUES as to what I did to fuck everything up (because I have no doubt it was a Me Problem) and getting nowhere. Poe never gave me ANY indication that things were going bad, or that they had a problem with me, or that their MUM had a problem with me, because apparently she did! They just dumped me like so much trash and expected me to put the pieces together myself and I just... I CAN'T. EVERYTHING WAS GOOD. I DON'T UNDERSTAND AT ALL!
I have NO closure on this, and it's just eating away at me inside because I KNOW it was something I did or said, but how am I supposed to UNDERSTAND or COME TO TERMS WITH THIS when I'm working in a functional VACUUM??
Poe just ghosted me, completely out of the blue, just days after what I thought had been a really good Birthmas and "hoped I'd get the hint" as they later told me, when my panicked flailing forced them to send me a card "explaining" what was going on.
But how was I supposed to magically get the hint? I'd never been ghosted before, and that aside, as far as I knew everything was GOOD between Poe and I. They never even gave me a CLUE that something was wrong or any chance to fix it. So why would I assume they were ditching me if everything was good? That's not something best friends do to each other. It never even crossed my mind that they were ghosting me, that they would do something so cruel to me. I thought something had HAPPENED to them and they COULDN'T contact me for some reason.
When they finally sent me a card with an "explanation", AFTER I had already had a literal minor heart attack because of the stress of the entire thing, all they told me was that they found me "very uncomfortable" to be around and that it was frustrating watching me get nowhere in my work on TKA, and that their Mum had been pushing for them to break away from me for some time. (WHAT DID I EVER DO TO THEIR MUM??) THAT IS NOT AN EXPLANATION.
WHAT DID I DO?? WHAT DID I NOT DO?? WHAT DID I SAY?? WHAT DID I NOT SAY??
They gave me NOTHING beyond "don't contact me or my family again."
So I've spent the last four months analyzing and re-analyzing and OVER-ANALYZING all of our interactions and conversations, trying to find CLUES as to what I did to fuck everything up (because I have no doubt it was a Me Problem) and getting nowhere. Poe never gave me ANY indication that things were going bad, or that they had a problem with me, or that their MUM had a problem with me, because apparently she did! They just dumped me like so much trash and expected me to put the pieces together myself and I just... I CAN'T. EVERYTHING WAS GOOD. I DON'T UNDERSTAND AT ALL!
I have NO closure on this, and it's just eating away at me inside because I KNOW it was something I did or said, but how am I supposed to UNDERSTAND or COME TO TERMS WITH THIS when I'm working in a functional VACUUM??
