senashenta | It's Complicated...

I still follow Poe on Insta, mostly because it's the only platform they didn't delete or block me from when they abandoned ship back in January. I mostly follow them there for updates on their books (they have a new book coming out next month, Conversations With Monsters, go preorder it now!) and because it makes me feel better to see that they're doing okay now, because I know for a while they weren't. I still care about them deeply, despite everything, and all I want is for their happiness.

But. There's also a part of me that hates to see them happy after everything they did to me. And that's the part that makes it HARD to follow them on Insta sometimes, makes me a little angry, makes me cry when I see a video where they look totally at peace with their world because they fucked up MINE so badly. And I know they didn't mean to be cruel in what they did, they were just doing what they felt they needed to for their own self-preservation, but it came ACROSS as cruel, and still does at times.

I really should stop following them on Insta just for my own sanity, but it's the last link I have to the best friend I've ever had, so I keep hanging on despite the pain it causes me...