Like I'm Worth Nothing

I've spent the last few months feeling absolutely DISPOSABLE and it SUCKS.

I just don't understand how someone can just ABANDON a person completely like that, dump them like they're trash, with NO EXPLANATION.

I know they didn't mean it like this, but it comes across as CRUEL.

And it makes it seem as if they never cared for me at all, as if our whole friendship was just a lark to them, which hurts even more.

"My" Companions

Over the course of my almost-thirty-year-long love affair with all things Valdemar, I have ended up with several of "my" Companions. I mean all the OC's in my fics are mine but I mean Companions that are paired/Bonded with me in one manner or another, in one setting or another. (Yes, I realize Companions and Choosings aren't real shut up.)

Sterling: My Companion Muse, the first Muse to materialize in my head DECADES ago, and my only Muse for the longest time before the rest of them started cropping up to clutter up my brain. Originally Sterling was in charge of all my writing and creative projects (art/manga/etc.) but over time got whittled down to just the Valdemar stuff. He is good at multitasking (he has to be, God knows), sarcastic and spends a lot of time muttering to himself. He also occasionally takes it upon himself to wrangle my other muses (Raiden, Suika, Tomoko, Swift, Jack, Keir, Kyna, etc.) and keep them in line. In general he is a hard worker and I appreciate his presence all up in my brain space. <3

Aristides: Ari is the Companion to my "official" Valdemar fan-character, Herald Samara Wynne (Mindspeech, Animal Mindspeech.) "Official" because I never actually got around to sending in my application to Queen's Own. :| Anyway, Ari is a calm, warm, friendly, cheerful Companion who isn't afraid to speak up against the small wrongs in the world. He's a good pair with Samara, who is also friendly and cheerful, but can sometimes have enough energy it sends her bouncing off the walls. He's the grounding influence that she (I) so badly needs. Ari and Samara were featured in In Dreams, a fic that I haven't got finished but would like to eventually tidy up.

Keyes: MY (Tiffany/Sena's) Companion, and a total spoilsport. Keyes is very calm and serious, but he has to be to deal with my wild mood swings and other shenanigans. Originally Keyes came to be YEARS ago when I was making MLP Companions for myself and a few of my friends (Damali for -cat, Vash for Sethi and Malca for Cat), and Keyes ended up being mine. His personality came around over time and he kind of became the yin to my yang which I figure is suiting considering he's a Companion and everything. Keyes has an old injury to his right hind leg where he broke a bone when he was a colt, and it occasionally gives him trouble. It aches when storm fronts are coming in, that sort of thing.

I'm not entirely sure why all "my" Companions are stallions? It just kind of turned out that way, and it works for me. I love them all to bits as characters and/or parts of my psyche and wouldn't change them for the world. <3

Fun With Foxes

So I make foxes. Or, more accurately, I PAINT foxes. I get the base fox keychains from a guy on Etsy and then I paint them up real purdy and (theoretically) sell them for a markup. Originally this plan was going to be so I could sell them at Anime North, and I KNOW they would sell like hotcakes THERE, but since I didn't get a table I have to list them on my Esprit Studios Etsy and kind of go "FINGERS CROSSED!" I guess either way I enjoy painting them so there's that at least. Anyway, some examples:


Sparkle Blue


Rainbow


Creamsicle


Hawkeye

...I have like 50 more of them in a bin under my bed waiting to be painted, they came in in January but then my entire world crashed and burned about the same time and I haven't done anything with them since then. I have four orange ones sitting on my work table waiting for me to just freaking PAINT THEM but I can't get up the energy or enthusiasm to do anything right now. It makes me feel guilty. I just feel guilty ALL THE TIME about EVERYTHING, I don't even know...

BUT ANYHOO. Hopefully more foxes in the near future, yes!

Potato Chip Wishes

I'm wasting all my wishes on something that's never going to come true, and it makes me feel sick inside.