The Forest

I finished up The Forest last night and posted it. It probably won't get much traction but that's okay I'm literally writing Witcher SPN AU just for myself and if other people happen to find it entertaining, then great. There's a lot of Lambden in WSPNAU, which isn't the BIG PAIRING in The Witcher, so the ones that are Geraskier instead tend to get more attention. Especially the smutty ones. And the last couple have been Lambden AND no smut, so their reception has been lukewarm. But that's fine. I have some Geraskier planned in future fics, and some smut planned in future fics, so maybe people will be more on board then. *shrug* Either way.

This morning I called Dr. K's office about the blood work recs that they forgot to give me (and admittedly, I forgot to ask for) when I was in last week, and the receptionist emailed them to me so I can get that done later this week.

I'm still concerned that I need a higher dosage of my ADHD meds, I'm currently on the lowest dose possible of the Vyvanse and my body seems to be adjusting to it the way it always does with new meds. The last week or so I'm sleeping more again and it's been more of a struggle to write anything, really, and my brain feels heavy and dense like it used to before the meds. But I don't know what to do because my next appointment isn't until November 21st. Maybe I'll give it a few more days to see and try calling the office and just explain the problem, maybe Dr. K will be willing to just up my dosage without an actual appointment. =/

So Poe and I have a deal going. Basically, they have a doll (Finch) that I greatly admire but cannot afford (they say LIKE WHOA cannot afford), but they are willing to trade me if I buy them THIS DOLL, which costs MUCH LESS, they will trade me for Finch. And I'm like... YES OKAY. Except it's still going to cost just over $110CAD, which I don't have. And that's ON SALE 55% off. So if I want to get it while it's on sale, I need to borrow the money from Mom, or from my jar, or something and... Mom is going to be SO annoyed/frustrated with me. I'm hoping when I explain the MASSIVE SALE aspect of it that will help, but still. She's going to be so mad. I just hope she says yes because otherwise it's going to be at least two or three more months before I can afford her. :<

Also I feel like I'm ripping Poe off a little by getting such a cheap(ish) doll for her in exchange for Finch? But they said if I really feel that way I can go halfvsies on a mantis doll for them some time in the future, or when I get TKA published I can just "not forget about [them]" which I guess is fair. So here's hoping Mom gets on board, I guess?

Today I have to finish cleaning up the tank for the axolotl so I can get it started cycling and clean my room (BIRD FEATHERS EVERYWHERE) and Poe sent me a link to a "bops" playlist yesterday that I think I'm going to plug in while I work. Also I think Lee is going out this afternoon so hopefully I can catch Mom to talk alone about this whole money situation. Fingers crossed.

EDIT: Mom let me take the money out of my savings jar! <3

Photoblogging Day #67: Protein

A new part of the diet plan. It's disgusting and expensive but it's helping.

On Shipping

Okay, so I basically shipped Dean and Castiel from the first episode of season four, but I'm currently most of the way through season seven of a SPN rewatch and I had FORGOTTEN that I totally minorly shipped Cas with Meg too. Like Destiel was my main ship, but Castiel and Meg were weirdly hilarious and cute together.

I am probably one of like ten people in the whole fandom who actually think that. >>;

Electroshock

I've been thinking a lot lately about all the fuck ups that have happened during the course of my mental health treatment. All the incorrect medications and incorrect dosages, the misdiagnoses, the psychiatrists who would NOT listen to me about ANYTHING, but especially about the fucking ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY that one of them convinced me to try.

First of all, I should say that electroshock therapy is not like it is in the movies and on TV. It's very easy to go through. They basically knock you out completely for the procedure so you don't see or feel anything, you just wake up a while later and go home having had your brain minorly fried. I should also say that I know electroshock therapy works for some people for some conditions, not everyone has the shitty experience with it that I had. It's a legit therapy, but not for everyone, the same as any treatment or therapy.

But for ME...

Basically, I was scheduled for twelve sessions, one a week for twelve weeks, all of which were naturally at five am. Because reasons?? Anyway, I went to four of them before dropping out BECAUSE AS SOON AS I STARTED THE ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY I LOST THE ABILITY TO FUCKING SLEEP. To be clear, this is NOT, apparently, A SIDE-EFFECT OF ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY. Or so they say. But as soon as they started shocking my brain I stopped sleeping. I would stay awake for days on end, and then, as it later turned out, when I DID finally sleep, I wasn't going into REM sleep, so I wasn't getting any proper REST.

This went on for YEARS. At one point when I was going to the sleep lab, a lady was talking with Mom and Mom explained what my problem was and she went "oh, did she get ECT?" AND WE WERE LIKE !!!!! (The sleep lab just told me that I wasn't getting REM sleep, the same as the OTHER sleep lab had told me previously.) But the second sleep lab was able to prescribe me medication to get me to sleep, if not get REM, so that was a plus, even if that medication gave me horrible side-effects.

NOW I'm on a new med to help me sleep, just in the last few months, and it seems to even get me into REM because I'm having dreams again, which is cool. But I mean... the electroshock? Definitely not worth it. It didn't help with my bi-polar and just FUCKED ME in other important ways. If I could go back and do it again I would absolutely and emphatically say no when that stupid psychiatrist suggested it. =/