What I Remember...

Looking back on it now, with a clear head (most of the time), I realize I've always been one to take my own personality from bits of my friends, family and acquaintances'. Just little snips here and there. A hobby here, a like here, a dislike here. I kind of... absorb. Bits of the people I'm close to, and I always have, and I don't know if that's normal or not, all I know is that now that I don't HAVE any friends, really, I'm left feeling absolutely BEREFT. HOLLOW inside, like all of me is a lie.

So at my age, I'm left fumbling to try to remember who I am as a person WITHOUT friends. And I vaguely recall, in high school, being a whole human being... I think? But I was still FORMING, as a person, then, so a lot of what I remember is IN FLUX, too. And I'm sure I was taking from my friends, even back then, to fill in the holes in my character...

Things that I know about myself:
-I'm panromantic but asexual. (That much I know is true, and me, because it's taken me a long time to figure it out.)
-I have a personal space bubble a mile wide and don't like physical contact, even with people I'm close to. (This is also me, I've been like that a long, long time.)
-I can't stand children, even in small doses, even from a distance, and haven't been able to since I worked at that daycare the one summer in high school. (Me.)
-I love animals of all kinds because they don't judge me or look down on me, they just offer unconditional acceptance and love. Except millipedes and centipedes they all need to DIE IN A FIRE. (Me.)
-I'm an accomplished writer but not an actual Author yet mostly because of the ADHD. (Mrs. Wilson, Grade 4.)
-I love to write fanfiction. (Me.)
-I love to draw, but haven't done it in a long time because of the ADHD. (Me.)
-I love to read, that was instilled in me at a very young age, but haven't done almost any reading in the last few years because, again, ADHD. (Mom/Dad.)
-I particularly love Mercedes Lackey and her Velgarth novels. (Me.)
-I love beading and making my own jewelry. (Maddie.)
-I love collecting and customizing BJDs. (First Steph and then later on, Poe.)
-I love collecting stuffed animals. (Me.)
-I love collecting Cabbage Dogs. (Poe.)
-My favorite actors are Tyler Hoechlin (Poe), Morgan Davies and Evan Peters. (Me.)
-I love b-grade movies possibly too much. (Dad.)
-I also love horror movies possibly too much. (Me.)
-I love plants and flowers and all things that grow. (Mom.)
-I love blind box figures. (Poe.)
-I love painting, but not canvases, more like custom figures. (Dad.)
-I love making my own buttons, though I can't right now because thebuttonguy went down and I suck at Photoshop. (Me.)
-I like to learn new things like Photoshop. (Poe.)
-I like to cook and bake. (Grandma/Mom.)
-My favorite thing to cook is soup. My favorite thing to bake is rice pudding. (Me/Grandma.)
-I hate cooked squash in any incarnation. (Me.)
-I love full-on turkey dinners. (Me.)
-I hate Donald Trump. (A lot of people. Also me, I'm sure.)
-I hate Star Wars. (Me.)
-I hate myself. (Me.)

So I have... maybe half a personality. Is it normal to take your own personality from other people, just ABSORB them like that? I don't even know anymore, and it's really throwing me for a loop.

I think losing my last friend just... broke me, in some way. I don't even know who I am anymore.

SPC Postcards For June 2024

The postcards I picked out for next month (June.) I usually only do four (now that Poe isn't included anymore), but this month I'm doing an extra one as a one-off.