Box Stall Style

It’s been made abundantly, painfully clear to me over the last few months that I’m terrible at interpersonal relationships. I’m just not good at relating to other people, including my friends and family, and most people can’t handle me. The ones that DO put up with me, my close family, probably only do it because they have to. Anyone who has a CHOICE in the matter always seems to take the out, which sucks because I love my friends with all my heart and want nothing but the best for them, and besides that, I THRIVE in (contained) social situations. Not HUGE ones like parties and the like, I get claustrophobic with the crowds and have panic attacks, especially if it’s strangers, but in small groups and one-on-one.

I think I’m just annoying and frustrating, and I’ve been told that I’m TOO MUCH for some people to handle. I’m too exuberant and enthusiastic, and I get STUCK on certain things that I like. I don’t cycle through obsessions or hyperfixations like most people do, I just add to them instead. Then my mental and physical health is OVERWHELMING to people and they just can’t deal with it. Mom suggested keeping my friends segregated and not introducing them to each other, and not talking to them all about everything, just having certain friends for certain topics so as not to overwhelm anyone, but… that sounds so CLINICAL to me. It doesn’t sound like real friendship. It sounds like treating them like cattle or horses, everyone gets a box stall and never the twain shall meet.

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