I Wanna Stay In Love With My Sorrow

[senashenta]

I was diagnosed as bi-polar two decades ago. Seems like a whole lifetime has passed since then. Since my diagnosis, it's been adjusted to DEPRESSIVE bi-polar, meaning I have MANY more depressive days than manic days, and I also HIGHLY suspect I have some mild form of ADD or ADHD. (I need to talk to my Doctor about that next month at my next appointment because whatever is going on, ADD, ADHD, something else, it is starting to severely affect my life and my ability to be productive. =/)

Anyway.

I've been on pretty much every medication imaginable to try to control my bi-polar disorder and it's been a real roller coaster, but finally a handful of years back I was finally put on LITHIUM. My Doctor had been purposely avoiding it for years because it has so many potential (and harsh) side-effects and other drug interactions but I guess she just got desperate haha. :D;;

I... have a complicated relationship with my lithium, and it's getting more and more complicated by the day it seems.

On one hand, it does the best job of levelling me out over any of the other medications I've tried. It's been a Godsend in that way, though I still tend toward the depressive side of things so it's a rather unbalanced scale. At least it keeps me from swinging wildly between depressive and manic, right? (Even if it doesn't help whatever else is going on inside my screwed up head atm.)

On the other hand, it makes me SO. FUCKING. SICK. Like, projectile-vomiting-across-the-room SICK.

It didn't start out that way, though, at first it was just a little bit of mild nausea, and over the years it's just gotten worse and worse until I'm to the point that I can't take it WITHOUT food (because you can't take it on an empty stomach), but if I take it WITH food I end up violently puking my guts out ten minutes later. And I just... I don't even know what to do with the situation.

I guess something else I need to talk to my Doctor about next month. Sigh.