Sena (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
senashenta) wrote2010-11-13 05:08 pm
senashenta) wrote2010-11-13 05:08 pm
Entry tags:
Shaking, Shaking
Well, despite the disaster yesterday with Juna peeing all over himself when we were bringing the cats home, all seems well. The glue in his incision site(s) is holding so I'm not quite so worried anymore.
The back room, however, stinks to high heaven because I couldn't give him a bath. It's horrible and gross, but there's not much I can do about it until at least the middle of next week. Then maybe I can give him a quick scrub down and vacuum/wash/disinfect the back room and spray the shit out of it with Febreeze. >>;
Dion also seems to be feeling better again today. I'm not sure what's going on with him; the last week or so it's been on-and-off every couple of days. One day he'll be sick and in pain, the next fine and back to normal, the next sick and in pain, the next fine and back to normal... and so on. I'm starting to think he's getting into something he shouldn't be, so later tonight I'm going to go through the apartment and see if I can find anything that he might be getting into that could be making him sick. =/ Fingers crossed that I figure it out.
Anyway, right now I'm over at Mom and Lee's place, as tonight I'm cooking them dinner. Homemade Chinese food ftfw! :D
I brought a couple books to keep me occupied this afternoon, and some laundry that needed done, as well as Squall to show him off to my brother and so that if I wanted to do anything online I could. I'm considering watching a movie or something right now, but I can't decide which one I want to watch. Hmm.
Oh, last night I watched a couple new animated movies! Despicable Me and Planet 51, both of which were really good. ^__^ I added them to my DVD wishlist! I particularly enjoyed Despicable Me, it was really cute and funny. ♥
And...
I guess the only other thing is that I'm avoiding M. I didn't think the whole incident the other night got to me too badly until I realized that the last two nights I've been sitting around in the dark with my lights off so that if he comes by he'll think I'm not home.
I used to really like him. He was a good friend of mine, despite being old enough to be my Grandfather. And he was a really good person. I've been trying to help him out lately because he's basically homeless and has nowhere to sleep out of the cold, but... after the other night, I'm finding that I just really don't want anything to do with him anymore.
The problem is that I'm too weak of a person to turn him away; if he comes to the door again asking to come inside because it's cold, I don't think I could bring myself to tell him no, despite everything. And I really, really don't want him in my apartment anymore.
It seemed like such a minor thing at the time, but I'm not comfortable with him now. In fact, I'm not even comfortable with the idea of him being around me now. And I still feel... gross. Disgusting. I know that he didn't manage to actually do much (and if he'd pushed the issue I would have kicked his toothpick-skinny ass; I will admit though, he did do a bit more than I talked about here before), but for some reason I can't help feeling violated.
I honestly don't know what to do. I sit around my apartment with the lights off even after dark and worry that he'll try to come by anyway. And the last couple days I've been paranoid about keeping ALL THREE locks on my front door locked all the time. It's almost like I'm afraid to be in my own home now.
Fuck. I'm acting like I was raped or something and I don't know how to deal with it!
And now I feel like I'm going to cry or have a panic attack or something. Goddammit. I guess I'm done talking about it for now. I need to go find something to do to distract me before I have a freak out...
The back room, however, stinks to high heaven because I couldn't give him a bath. It's horrible and gross, but there's not much I can do about it until at least the middle of next week. Then maybe I can give him a quick scrub down and vacuum/wash/disinfect the back room and spray the shit out of it with Febreeze. >>;
Dion also seems to be feeling better again today. I'm not sure what's going on with him; the last week or so it's been on-and-off every couple of days. One day he'll be sick and in pain, the next fine and back to normal, the next sick and in pain, the next fine and back to normal... and so on. I'm starting to think he's getting into something he shouldn't be, so later tonight I'm going to go through the apartment and see if I can find anything that he might be getting into that could be making him sick. =/ Fingers crossed that I figure it out.
Anyway, right now I'm over at Mom and Lee's place, as tonight I'm cooking them dinner. Homemade Chinese food ftfw! :D
I brought a couple books to keep me occupied this afternoon, and some laundry that needed done, as well as Squall to show him off to my brother and so that if I wanted to do anything online I could. I'm considering watching a movie or something right now, but I can't decide which one I want to watch. Hmm.
Oh, last night I watched a couple new animated movies! Despicable Me and Planet 51, both of which were really good. ^__^ I added them to my DVD wishlist! I particularly enjoyed Despicable Me, it was really cute and funny. ♥
And...
I guess the only other thing is that I'm avoiding M. I didn't think the whole incident the other night got to me too badly until I realized that the last two nights I've been sitting around in the dark with my lights off so that if he comes by he'll think I'm not home.
I used to really like him. He was a good friend of mine, despite being old enough to be my Grandfather. And he was a really good person. I've been trying to help him out lately because he's basically homeless and has nowhere to sleep out of the cold, but... after the other night, I'm finding that I just really don't want anything to do with him anymore.
The problem is that I'm too weak of a person to turn him away; if he comes to the door again asking to come inside because it's cold, I don't think I could bring myself to tell him no, despite everything. And I really, really don't want him in my apartment anymore.
It seemed like such a minor thing at the time, but I'm not comfortable with him now. In fact, I'm not even comfortable with the idea of him being around me now. And I still feel... gross. Disgusting. I know that he didn't manage to actually do much (and if he'd pushed the issue I would have kicked his toothpick-skinny ass; I will admit though, he did do a bit more than I talked about here before), but for some reason I can't help feeling violated.
I honestly don't know what to do. I sit around my apartment with the lights off even after dark and worry that he'll try to come by anyway. And the last couple days I've been paranoid about keeping ALL THREE locks on my front door locked all the time. It's almost like I'm afraid to be in my own home now.
Fuck. I'm acting like I was raped or something and I don't know how to deal with it!
And now I feel like I'm going to cry or have a panic attack or something. Goddammit. I guess I'm done talking about it for now. I need to go find something to do to distract me before I have a freak out...
no subject
And if he comes over, all you have to do is NOT ANSWER THE DOOR. I'm sure there are places in Canada he can sleep, right? Don't you guys have shelters there? Sure, it sounds cold and heartless, but the fact of the matter is that you are not comfortable having him in your home. There's probably a good reason for it, else you wouldn't be so freaked out. You have a good head on your shoulders, darling, use it. If he comes over, do not let him in. You don't even have to talk to him; just don't answer the door. *hug*
If you need to talk, feel free to get a hold of Chloe or I, okay? :(
no subject
And yeah, you're right. That's what I'm going to do, I think. Because this is ridiculous and I don't want it to ruin my life. It wasn't that big of a deal. My problem is I'm just too nice. I feel guilty even though I shouldn't. But at least I realize that about myself, haha? Could be worse I guess.